Thursday, May 26, 2011

Putting All the Books in the Bag...A Tale of How My Husband 'Gets" Me

About 11 years ago I was returning to college after having Madison. It was Sunday night and I was a hurricane of emotions. Excited to get back into an intellectually stimulating environment, nervous about leaving my baby, dealing with my social anxiety issues, worried about finding the right classroom and being on time, along with all the typical first day jitters.

So here I sat in the middle of the bedroom floor, a complete wreck, trying to cram ALL of my textbooks, notebooks, binders, pencils, highlighters, and a slue of other necessities, into my rather small backpack. Through my tears and sobs (really it was panicked screeching) I unload my misery on Brian "It won't all fit! It is SO heavy! How am I going to carry this around all day?" and on, and on, and on I went. Finally when I stopped to catch my breath Brian (quite calmly and rationally) asks me "Do you need ALL those books for class tomorrow?"

...It turns out I didn't... problem solved. (yes I can, and we do, laugh about it now)

But this incident really shows me a strong part of my personality. First, I am capable of feeling a lot of emotions all at the same time, and when I do I rarely am able to put words to what is the underlying issue, what is truly wrong. When I get stressed I see every. minute. speck. that is contributing to my stress, and that speck feels just a burdensome as the huge elephant. I am no longer able to delineate and prioritize; and feel that in order to fix any of it I have to fix all of it right now. I don't realize that I only have half of my classes to worry about the next day, so I don't need to take ALL the books.

This incident has also been a great tool for Brian to use to diffuse me when I get like that, because 11 years later I still do this.

Take tonight for example: I only have one more day of work and about 20 days worth of work to do in it - I'll spare you the complaining, but it entails having to move my whole classroom, and a last minute project initiated by my AP. Then add the stress of budget cuts and the uncertainty of any one's position for next year or future years, the stress of preparing for a last minute trip to Denver, finding clothing for my kids to wear in my brother's wedding, all our summer trips/tournaments/camps, possibly selling the house, Maddox starting kindergarten and the need to move to Palisade... and.... and........ and.........

You get the picture. As I am unloading all this on Brian, he just looks at me and says "Your putting ALL your books in the backpack again." and the building storm was calmed. I was able to put the majority of that list to the back of my mind and focus on what had to be dealt with right that minute. (It's only taken 11 years to get this far, but at least I am making progress!)

Learned: I am so thankful to have a husband that is patient with me, and knows how to help me.

Learned 2: I am not really sure what to do with this awareness of this personality trait, but I guess awareness is the first phase.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Dead Reckoning

Dead Reckoning (Sookie Stackhouse, #11)Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Once again I was frivolously entertained with the Sookie saga. In this installment Sookie finds out more about her fae ancestry, her gift, her love for Eric, and of course is faced with emotional and life threatening situations. Nothing deep and soul stirring, but completely entertaining. I do wish there would have been a better resolution, but she had to leave you hanging for the next book!

View all my reviews

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Graduate in the Blue Dress

Maddox had his Pre-School graduation last Wednesday (5/11). It really was a great evening. Maddox was so excited he could hardly sit still; asking for hours when he could wear the blue dress! So here it is...

It was so enlightening to see Maddox with his peers. He is well liked, as evident by the constant chiming of his name "Maddox! Sit by me." "Maddox!" "Maddox!" He is such a charmer, all the little girls were coming up to him showing him their new dresses, and chasing him around...thankfully he is pretty oblivious to all that female attention. Learned: As I ironed his "blue dress" I couldn't help picture me in the future ironing his HS graduation gown, remembering this moment as if it were only yesterday.

Maddox's (two week long) 5th Birthday

Maddox got completely spoiled this year for his birthday. I have wanted to write about it for a while but am so completely here is the abridged version:

Monday May 2: Birthday dinner with Grandma Polly... My mom was going to be out of town for the family party, so she had us over for dinner and treats. Maddox got a scuba set from them and had to try it out immediately that evening.

Thursday/Friday May 5/6: Crushed Plans = Crushed Boy...I happened to be off Friday, Maddox's birthday, and Madison had 2 soccer games scheduled that weekend in Denver so the kids and I planned to head to the Denver Zoo for his birthday (Brian had to work). Like all well laid plans, something thwarted them...and in our case it was a nasty ear infection that struck Maddox screaming at 11:30 that night until 9:30 the next morning when we finally got medicine in him. The Dr. was so nice she gave Maddox a toy for his birthday, "no one should be sick on their birthday!" That night we had a small celebration with a DQ ice cream cake, and he got his new bike... since it was his birthday.

Sat-Sun May 7th and 8th Denver....We postponed the trip over the mountains 24 hours an headed out early the next morning. Made it to Madison's first game of the weekend, then headed to the zoo. Maddox was so excited to go and it turned out to be a great time, though very busy. The elephants gave us a great water show, spraying water all about. The lion got up and walked right up to Maddox and he about came out of his pants! The polar bear also put on a show playing quite rambunctiously with his toys.

Saturday May 14 Going Bananas!!! The culminating event for Maddox's birthday(s) was a freind trip full of arcade games and lazer tag. He had a blast! Malia hit the ticket jackpot winning 1000 tickets. Madison had two of her friends join in the fun and they were all a big help with the younger ones, making the party no stress easy for me!

I think we have drawn a close to the ongoing birthday celebration for the boy. I can hardly believe that he is 5, he has brought so much joy, excitement, and laughter to our lives... there is truly never a dull moment with him around.

Learned: Sometimes as parents we want to do what ever will make our kids happy, but if we do it will be miserable for all... (he so wanted to still go to the zoo but if we had he would have been a wreck), it is better to be wise... bringing more joy in the end.

Monday, May 2, 2011


Today I woke to the news that America's greatest emeny, Osama bin Laden, was killed, and I feel the complete contrary to what I expected to feel. I expected to feel elated, jubilant, at ease, celebratory, but I don't.

I am so proud of the navy SEALs that accomplished this mission and the countless other soldiers that fought, and even died, in this war on terrorism. I am proud of the intelligence task force of the United States, I am even proud of our president in making the call to initiate the mission. I am so happy, and personally thankful, for the closure that many families and friends are feeling today, those that were and will continue to be impacted by the World Trade Center bombings.

Osama bin Laden was a bad, evil, man whose desire was to kill innocent people out of his own hatred and intolerance. I believe justice, if it can be called that, was served in some form today.

So why do I feel conflicted? Why am I not among those celebrating and cheering his death, and instead feel a heaviness of heart? It makes me feel so unpatriotic, so insensitive to all those that lost their lives due to his plotting.

The only explanation is this... I believe God is sad, I believe that God loved bin Laden, and never gave up on him, I believe that God's heart is grieved by the loss of a child for all of eternity; for I do not believe that bin Laden will be a person we meet in Heaven, and I can't say this disappoints me. I just can't bring my self to rejoice in anyone's complete and eternal separation from God, that is what saddens me today.

In closing, a friend posted this quote on fb, and it gave words to what my heart is feeling...

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

Learned: "how I respond to the death of my enemies says as much about me as it does about my enemies"

edit: the quote in the original post was a partial false quote, that included the beginning "I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy." This was not said by MLK, but the remaining quote is his, taken from a 1957 sermon he gave on loving your enemies. This does not change the sentiment of my post as it is the true part of that quote that resonated with me the most.