Monday, April 8, 2013

I Just Wanna Skip the "Practice" Part!

I have been reading the book Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions.  I am highly emotional, and not in a good way, I allow emotions to dictate a lot of my life.  I don't want to be emotionally ruled any more, so hence the book....

One of the very first things Lisa (the author) makes clear is that you need to accept the fact that change will not happen over night, and that change won't even be linear, instead we need to come to face the reality that progress is progress, even imperfect progress, and be glad of it. 

I am trying to remind myself of this right now as it seems that I am being given a plethora, over abundance, of opportunities to practice what I am learning.  But I am failing miserably, and don't see the progress.  Maybe my progress is the inner progress.... I may not be showing outwardly a different reaction, but I do hear my inner voice queuing me... "reply vs. react"  "perspective" and "is this an issue I will care about tomorrow or in 4 months?" 

So maybe I am making progress.... but I don't like this at all!  It seems that my life has become one big arena for me to practice taking control of my emotions- which means I am being bombarded with irritant after irritant and I can't seem to catch my breath!

The truth of the matter is that I just want the results, so let's just skip to that part of the process.

I know this is ridiculous, as a runner I know that I can't increase distance or pace without putting in the effort.  I know as a teacher that my students won't know the material unless they put in the time doing the work.  I know as a wife, that my marriage wont grow unless WE put effort into it.

Knowing and demonstrating that knowledge are two different things.

I know all of this, and I know that I don't want to be ruled by emotions, but it is painfully exhausting living in the practice phase.  This is precisely why most people don't choose change, change is uncomfortable, change is hard..... change  takes us through a process.  The key here is through, I am not meant to be stuck in the middle place called "practice", just as the Jews were not meant to be stuck in the wilderness on their way to the promise land. 

I'm at the Red Sea, and Pharaoh's army is closing in, at this moment, I have a choice to continue through to the promise land or give up and return to be a slave of my emotions. 

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