Maddox and I are so very much alike, in fact I've learned so much about what I need by being his mother. On more than one occasion I have seen him exhibit a behavior or reaction and I'm like "that's exactly how I feel! Now what does he need, food? Rest? Physical activity? " Thus determining my own need based on my mothering instincts for him.
Unfortunately we also share this tendency to come unglued, this overwhelming rush of emotions that inhibit all rational thought, and our brains spin out. I despise this part of me and I am wracked with guilt seeing it surface in my child.
I was given a book, UNGLUED by Lysa Terkeurst, that delves into the very heart of this and through some comedic relief and Gods word guides towards "making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions". To be completely honest this book was difficult and overwhelming- and oh so good- on one hand I wanted to devour the words from cover to cover, on the other I wanted to meditate, chew on, and practice. I ended up setting it aside for a few months, unfinished. Just this week it made its way to the surface of my reading pile, just when I was ready and in need of it again.
After skimming the first 40 pages and my personal reflections scrawled across the margins, I began to meditate on the section "Unfinished Sculptures"and how what she shares here speaks to my heart, and would also speak to Maddox's. The teacher in me began to find a way to share this with my son in a way that would engage him.
Thank God for Google! I had images of the statue of David, blocks of marble, and the Unfinished sculptures that are at the heart of this lesson. (Ideally I would have a block of foam for him to create a sculpture with at the end...)
We started with The David, discussing this masterpiece, said to be sculpture perfection, we talked about how long it took Michelangelo, and that for the duration he never left the sculptures side.
Then I showed him the blocks of marble similar to the piece that The David had emerged from. We discussed how and what tools Michelangelo would have used.
Then, the key point: it is said that when asked how he created this perfection, Michelangelo replied that he just chiseled away the parts that didn't look like David.
This is what God is doing with us, chiseling away the pieces that don't look like us. I asked Maddox if we were the finished perfection like The David, and he said "No, Gods still chiseling." (Love this boy) then I showed him the Unfinished Sculptures, this is where we are, still being molded and chiseled into what and who God wants us to be. When we come into difficult or trying situations, God is using them to chisel away the parts of stone that don't look like us. When we feel ourselves becoming UNGLUED, God is showing us an area that needs chiseled.
Then I asked how long he thought it would take for us to become sculpture perfection like The David, two years of constant attention? Less? More? He pondered for a moment and when he spoke, his response showed great wisdom, "I don't think we will ever be perfect, mom. I think that there will probably always be something that needs to be chiseled." WOW!!! I am still, even after writing this, in awe and wonder at the perspective of his words.
He didn't stop there, he went on to tell me how this reminded him of what his grandma told him, that he is God designed, purpose intended, significant, lavishly loved, prince, son of the King of the universe.
He had lots of questions, I suppose they are the same questions we all have: What is he designing me to do? What purpose has he intended for me? How will I know?
In the end we agreed that we would trust what God says about us, choose to walk in love, and continue to pray "Oh God, chisel me!"
Friday morning, March 8, 2013, started as a typical teacher work day, I let myself sleep until I awoke on my own, then headed to Safeway to grab some fixins for our staff pot-luck luncheon- and of course treat myself to a Starbucks.
There was no urgency in my commute to work this morning as I had - miraculously- finished all grading (over 100 tests with multiple concepts to score) AND entered and submitted the 3rd quarter grades all before I left school for the day on Thursday.
While busying myself with house keeping tasks in my classroom my phone rang. Seeing it was my little brother Nik, whose wife is expecting a baby girl in a few short weeks, I answered the phone in an excited auntie voice- expecting the baby call.
Confusion set in... why was his voice so shaky and sad.... this didn't match my expectations... as the words he spoke settled into comprehension, my heart stopped... my dad had been in an accident, he had a broken neck, and was currently in the ER. ....No, not the happy baby phone call I had been prepared for.
The drive from Palisade to St. Mary's has never seemed so long, I don't think there has been a time where so many thoughts passed through my head in such a short amount of time. Was he paralyzed, was he critical, was he stable, would he walk again, would he work again, would he be in a wheel chair, would he live to see tomorrow, how did it happen... Nor do I think there has been a time when my emotions changed so abruptly and dramatically - one minute sobbing cries to God, then the next calm explanations to my husband, only to return to sobs and pleas to be strong when I arrived at the hospital.
Walking the sterile halls of the hospital to Trauma room 2, I straightened and braced my shoulders to receive what ever was waiting for me on the other side of the curtain. My first glimpse... his feet moving and wiggling - this sight alone gave my heart hope and strength to see the rest for I KNEW he would walk again. The sight was not pretty, but I can't say it was worse than I had expected. He had a neck collar on and was covered in blood that came from multiple facial lacerations. The worst that I could see was one on his cheek to almost his ear, it went clear through to his mouth.
Trauma T.V. shows, such as Grey's Anatomy and ER, have done a significant disservice to the reality of ER room activity. There was nothing that was urgent, or rushed about my dad's ER stay. I expected the Dr.s to be making fast decisions in an effort to immediately improve my fathers sate of being. Instead the process of x-rays, doctor evaluations, administration of pain meds and, ordering MRI consumed several hours, through all of which he received no pain meds. Maybe the lack of hustle and bustle was a good sign, he was stable, and they were able to make smart, informed decisions on the best course of action.
The initial diagnoses were in, my dad had sustained injuries that included a fractured C-2, compressed C-3, Teardrop fracture of C-7, small fractures in lower vertebrae, broken rib on left side, fractured orbital bone and blown pupil on right side, broken rib on left side, multiple facial lacerations, a cut on his calf, and NO SPINAL DAMAGE!!!!
Hours after arriving in the ER they took him for an MRI then up to surgery to repair the lacerations on his face. Finally, about 4:00 he was taken to a room in the ICU. The Dr. updated us on all the lacerations he had to repair, which were more numerous that he had first thought. He was unsure of the severity of scaring, and nerve damage - only time would tell.
There is a strange time vortex that occurs in the hospital, it's as if time simultaneously speeds up and slows down; a day turns into the longest day of your life and in that same day hours have slipped past unnoticed. I found my self leaving ICU late Friday night suspended in this vortex, the outside world was still moving forward, a whole day had past where it seemed everyone went about as usual, I was stepping back into reality with the same trepidation as stepping onto a high speed moving walk way for the first time, not sure if I would maintain balance.
Situations like this tinge the world a different color, people look different as if a transparent material separates my reality from theirs. I observed this strange sensation as I stopped at the grocery store on the way home - miraculously I remembered we needed milk. I couldn't help but look at the people around me and wonder at how normal they looked- did I look normal too or did I have the look of someone who has been through hell and has yet to return?
It dawned on me in that moment, how my day had truly come full circle- no not full circle that would imply that things ended exactly how they began and that is not the case. Maybe my day came full spiral, beginning in one location of one reality and ending in the same location in an alternate reality. I'm not sure how long I stood staring at the milk options with an almost comatose gaze upon my face, maybe only a second, maybe longer, but am stunned with how dramatically your life can change in less than 12 hours.
I do have hope and peace in the knowledge that all that has changed in the course of one day, 12 extremely long - yet slipped away hours - my dad was alive this morning, and he is alive now, and he will live tomorrow and the next tomorrow.
I love that for the month of November (at least in non-presidential election years) fb fills with posts of gratitude. this year I decided to partake in the challenge of finding the things that I am thankful for. Here is what actually ended up on my fb page for *most* of the month...
Day 1: Thankful for beautiful weather that allows us to run in tanks and
shorts though it's November in Colorado.
Day 2: Nov. 2: Today I'm thankful that I have the right to vote and for the
short lines at early voting!
Day 3: I am thankful for amazing news!!! Just received news that my good
friend from Denver is moving back!
Day 4: Today I'm thankful for the whole extra hour of uninterrupted reading
time due to Day Light Savings!
Day 5: I am thankful for my friend Allison, who has demonstrated what it is
to trust God, and inspires me regularly to do so myself.
Day 6: I am thankful for the individual time I got to spend with each of my
kids today. It never seems to happen often enough, so I cherish the spare hour
every once in a while.
Day 7: Today I am thankful for the Word of God, that give peace and births
faith.
Day 8: I am thankful for family dinners. Even if Maddox wiggles so much the
bolts on his chair are loose and Madison dominates the conversation with middle
school drama though insisting she's not in the drama scene. I love that we are
all together, talking and sharing our day.
Day 9: Today I am thankful for an amazing teaching partner. We work so well
together and have SO much fun traveling to conferences all over the country!
Next up our own backyard, Denver!!! Hope you have a fabulous birthday riding
the rim in your tutu!!!
Day 10: I'm thankful alone time during retail therapy today.
Day 11: I am thankful to have an amazing partner in this journey called
parenthood. My husband is an excellent example to both of our children of what
a man/husband/father should be- hard working provider, protective, and selfless
to name a few. I pray that Maddox will grow to be a great man like his dad, and
Madison will find one of his caliber to share her life with.
Day 12: I am so thankful for my friend Anne! She encourages me in my life
with prayer and scripture. She can tell me things that are difficult to hear
and know we will both be better for it. She is the best running partner (one
that is completely ok with skipping a run when life gets crazy OR because we
would rather pop open a bottle of wine and start cooking together). Thank you
Anne for your amazing friendship.
Day 13(only 5hours late): I am thankful to have made it to Denver safely,
for the hysterical laughter in the way over, an incredible view of the city
from or 31st floor room, 5 days of conference attending, 5 nights if city life,
and 120+ hours of no responsibilities. (Man I'm going to miss my family by
weeks end.)
Day 14: I am thankful for good company to debrief the massive amounts in
information we received today, all over French Martinis.
Day 16: I am thankful for the birth of a beautiful new life, Oslin
Sandoval, came in to the world today, becoming Vycci and Danny’s 4th
child and another Sandoval life that I have the honor of being a part of.
Day 17: I'm thankful for a lovely girls night out with my sister in law.
She picked me up in her new car ;) and took me to dinner and desserts that were
so delicious she got caught licking the plate! Love you and I'm so thankful for
our great conversation, love you Krick!
Day 18: I'm thankful that my husband endures live sporting events for me.
(B forgot a hat, so he's thankful for the rally towels they were handing out at
the gates.) I think I'll spare him further embarrassment and go buy him a new
hat...
Day 19: I am blessed beyond measure, abundantly thankful, and blissfully
happy to have Brian as my husband. Happy birthday to my my best friend, and
favorite person to live life with. I love you!
Day 20: I'm thankful for modern conveniences, especially a heated home, and
running hot water. Think I'll go take advantage of it with a nice soak and book.
Day 21: I am thankful for a house full of family, children laughing,
running, and playing, and most of all that we get to share the day together.Happy Thanksgiving 2012.
As I picked my Bible up this week, the bookmarks still at the beginning of 2 Kings where I last left off (in February), I thought it only fitting that I would be reading about the kings of Israel and Judah as this week was election week for the United States of America. As in every election there is political drama, and this election was no different. It was easy to allow myself to get caught up in the drama, and even allow fear, panic, and anger to take root.
This week while looking back through 1st Kings, I saw that Israel had its overwhelming share of terrible, ungodly, and even evil rulers, and God was there with His people. Just as God is with me in the midst of this countries abominable political situation. Whether Obama continues to drive our country farther and farther into debt, or IF Romney would have brought the extinction of the middle class and taken away "women's rights", my trust is NOT in man but in God who has promised to never leave or forsake me.
Rulers- they come and go as we've see through out the Bible, only God is truly constant. Therefore, my focus is not on complaining about the politics of this country, but seeking God with my entire being, and finding ways to love people as He loves them.
Because in the end, that is the only thing that will matter. (1 Cor 13:13 Psalm 94:14)
Some days it would be easier to believe that
we are not meant to do the things we have been called to do, for then we could
abandon with no consequence.
But when
you know that what you are doing is EXACTLY what you were meant for, the cost
of persevering is miniscule to the cost of quitting.
I dropped him off at the vet early Thursday morning, I thought they would be giving him an IV and breathing treatments. I thought Brian would come home and pick him up and in a few days he would be back to normal.
I thought wrong and he is gone.
It all happened so fast, it took all of us by surprise. Even the vet was ready to send him home with us (after giving us nebulizer training) to nurse him back to health. As Brian showed up to bring him home, he was told "I thought I was going to be giving you your dog, instead I have to tell you that he has passed."
We are shocked, he is gone.
En rout to Park City, passing over mountain peaks, I received a call, one I thought would tell me that he had made great improvement, and was coming home. Instead, I learned of our loss.
In harmony Madison and I wailed in grief, he is gone.
A weekend filled with soccer, gave a decent distraction for the two of us. Reality crept in with the darkness of night. I could fold up my sorrow and tuck it away, but knew it was temporary, I'd soon be home and faced with reality.
Our home had a gaping hole, he is gone.
It was cancer that had devastated his lungs, making them unable to fight off the pneumonia. He wouldn't have made it much longer, and the reality is he only suffered a short time, and we never had to make the decision to let him go.
It was so fast, he is gone.
Brian said how fitting it was, Ranger never did anything small, it was always huge; He'd find the stinkiest mud hole to wallow in, he'd escape from the yard by busting a hole clean through the fence, he didn't chew on toys, he instead chewed the stairs. The cancer was massive, his death was speedy.
He went big, he is gone.
I didn't say good bye, I didn't think it was the end. But looking back, he knew. He let me brush him for hours, he let me lay with him and hold him. He didn't come inside his last night with us, he laid out , in his favorite place under the bush. Had he been able, I think he would have wandered into the wilderness and laid in a stinky mud hole for his final rest.
We have 3 dogs. We used to have 2 dogs. And a really, really, long time ago (10 years) we only had one dog. I never have had an overwhelming desire to have pets, most furry ones make me itch, dogs are most often an exception to that. So don't ask me how we have now ended up with THREE dogs. Maybe its a testament to the soft spot in my heart for lost causes... our first was a rescue, and the latest was an inheritance... only the middle one was by planning and choice. Since we now have 3 dogs, my house is a disaster, the amount of fur has not tripled, or increased by 1/2, instead it has been an exponential increase. As of late this has been the primary source of annoyance, and anxiety for me.
So why not just get rid of them, or even just one of them? I don't seem all that attached, right? It seems like a completely logical and easy decision.
At least this is what I thought until one of them gets sick, like really sick. Labored breathing, hacking, lethargic, and the tell tell sign - not eating. The dog who tells time by when his food bowl should be filled won't eat. Of course I took him to the vet yesterday, they checked him out, made sure he didn't have heart worm, and gave him some antibiotics, a bronchial-dilator, and anti-inflammatory. I headed home with a renewed sense of hope, he would soon be on the mend.
Last nigh I laid with him just so he wouldn't be alone, but his extremely labored breathing was so reminiscent of my own during an asthma attack, and all I could do was weep, the fear and panic I feel during an attack must be horrible for him - not knowing what is wrong.
Then again this morning he wouldn't eat. We kept him inside out of the heat, and calm. I was expecting to come home to a markedly improved dog, but when I got home he coughed up blood. Of course the vet was out of the office by that time, so he goes in first thing in the morning.
All evening I have just sat and brushed, and snuggled, and cried with worry for him. Who would have though that below all that indifference I feel - or thought I felt - for these dogs, that I actually care this much, that I actually LOVE them.
This overwhelming, heart wrenching, tear jerking emotion has caught me completely off guard. I tolerated, and most of the time even like these furry boys, but this is just so completely unexpected. To love an animal so much that I spend the night laying next to and comforting them, and sobbing tears, pleading with God to make him be ok. It's surprising to say the least.
Tonight I just hope his sleep is peaceful, that we make it till the morning, and that tomorrow they will know what is wrong with him.
Learned: Something new about myself, behind this cold hard indifferent exterior is an animal lover at heart.
Apparently, not me.... I have so much that I want to record and share but life is so crazy hectic right now and I just can't find the time to do all of these post justice. I'll settle for tidbits and maybe get to pictures and full posts later.
Soccer (aka: DRAMA!! )Madison's soccer club/team has undergone some major changes and there is major drama. We've had coaching changes, girls leaving for another club, coaches turning it into an allegiance issue rather than allowing families to do what is best for them... it's a crazy mess (and for once the Casters are not at the center of it) The season was finished with a great record and we will be moving up a level in the competitive CYS league. We will have (another) new, very young, coach to begin next season, and Madison still has doubts about her decision to stay with her current team. We played in the local GMIT tournament and Madison got a goal, her first in YEARS!
Maddox: he is a major rule follower... his teacher instructed the class to wear clothes over their swim suits to school for water day. I know this was intended for the little girls, so they wouldn't be in their little bikinis all day, but Maddox would not, could not, be convinced other wise. In the end it was easier to give in and allow him to wear his clothes over his swim shorts and rash guard... he looked atrocious! (I'll post a pic when I get a chance.)
10 and 40: Brian and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary, (he got a AR 15, I got diamond earrings). Two days later we hosted a party to celebrate his parents 40th anniversary. I can hardly believe it's been ten years. When I think of how little Madison was it seems like forever ago, but it went so fast.
The school year is winding down, and there is always anxiety about changes for the upcoming year. This year is no different, it is even worse than normal as there are more budget cuts, and the district continues to make decision behind closed doors with the best interest of administration rather than students and the ones that are closest to them. I do know that I have a job next year, I do know that I will get a bit of a raise (step and lane)... but at what cost to my coworkers who may or may not have jobs next yea? (I could rant for quite a while on this...)
The end of the year brings mixed feelings for me, I am so happy to be done and just get to be a mom for the next few months, but saying good bye to my 8th graders this year is tough. We had a great day at the pool party, they literally blew my socks off at the spring fling music concert last night, and for the next two days we get to just play, reflect, and have fun together. This group of kids has something special, and it is sad to see them go, but also so exciting to see them off on their next chapter. I can't wait to see the amazing things they accomplish!
I started reading a new series a few weeks ago and am just finishing it... I'll have to post my review via Goodreads soon. I have a huge stack of books I commandeered from my teammates library for the summer, plus some new ones on the Nook, AND a few that I want to re-read.
I'm headed to Idaho this summer for a week long education conference. I am really looking forward to this time... in more ways than one! A week of being responsible for only myself, as well as getting into so really great courses and walking away with an additional 4 credits! This should give me enough for my GT certification! After this I think I'll take a break from graduate courses for awhile, at least until after my masters degree is paid off.
Maddox had his 6th birthday, it seemed to span several weeks as we were in Denver the day of his birthday, and had a family party before and a huge friend party after. He was spoiled rotten (of course) with a trip to the Denver Aquarium and to see the Avengers while in D-town. Then a HUGE birthday bash at the park with a ton of friends.
Just this took me over a half an hour to whip up, and it is shallow, surface level, poorly written, and doesn't even include pictures. Maybe next week I'll be able to blog again... oh wait... .I've got a two day class, followed by a soccer tournament, followed by two weeks of teaching summer school... dang!
This whole book is about the kings who ruled over Israel. Basically the whole lot were a disgrace and did not follow or bring honor to the God who had delivered them from Egypt and set them apart. Instead they turned to the pagan gods of the people they were supposed to drive from the land in the first place. Remember back in the earlier books when they were coming into the promise land and God said "drive out ALL the inhabitants..." and they didn't and let some of them stay entering into a treaty with them. Well surprise, surprise... God knew what he was talking about. He knew that if the original inhabitants stayed, their pagan beliefs would seep into His peoples lives and hearts causing them to sin.
What really surprised me is that Solomon, the wisest and the richest of all the Kings (some say the wisest man that ever lived), a king who lives most of his life honoring God, in the end took foreign wives who then influenced him to begin worshiping pagan gods. Because of his disobedience God said he would take the throne away from his descendants... which He did. The nation of Israel was then split, all of the tribes of Israel left with Jeroboam, and only the tribe of Judah remained in the line of David with Solomons son Rehoboam.
Jeroboam didn't want the people of Israel to return to Rehoboam for their sacrifices and trips to the temple and risk them becoming loyal once again to Rehoboam; so he crafted two golden calves and told the people of Israel that these were the gods that delivered them from Egypt, and led the whole nation of Israel away from God. A prophet from God goes and tells Jeroboam that he will be wiped from the Earth for his grievous sin. Jeroboam is paralyzed and the pagan alter crumbles before him releasing the paralysis as a sign of what the prophet said was true. God had told this prophet to not eat or drink while in the city and return home a different way than he had come. He is able to refuse Jeroboam's offer of dinner and a place to sleep. But an old prophet hears of his message and goes out to find him offering a place to eat and sleep. He refuses, but the old prophet lies saying "An angel appeared and told me to have you over for dinner." So the man listens and goes with him, of course God calls him out on it and says because he didn't listen he would not be buried in his homeland with his ancestors. The man leaves to go home and is attacked, but not eaten, by a lion on the way home. The old prophet who had tricked him goes out and finds his body with the lion still sitting next to him and the donkey.
After reading this, I realized how often we choose to listen to the world, our flesh, or even what others have said God has spoken to them, instead of what God has spoken to our hearts and in His word. Sunday at Church we had talked about how Satan uses our own doubt to get us to sin..."did God really say that, surely He didn't mean you would die..." When the reality is, God told us (fill in the blank with: love your neighbors, do not murder, respect your husband, don't have premarital sex or any other truth we choose to ignore) for a reason, and that reason was FOR OUR OWN GOOD.
See, the fundamental truth here is that GOD IS GOOD and He loves us, He is our creator; who knows better than Him what will hurt us, what will heal us, what will destroy us, what will bring us peace, than Him. Satan knew that we would become like god's knowing good and evil if Eve ate the apple and that she wouldn't die when she ate the apple, that is die as in instant death in the flesh. The problem was that we would become like gods knowing good and evil BUT unlike GOD who has no sin nature, our sin nature would not have the self control to resist the temptation of evil, and that is what brings our death, physical and spiritual.
Back to Kings: The only redeeming kings for Judah (sorry Israel doesn't have any yet) was Asa, who returns the tribe of Judah to God and removes all the pagan idols from the tribe, even removing his own grandmother from her position of honor as queen mother. After Asa's death his son, Jehoshaphat, continued ruling Judah in his father's example. Israel's kings continue in a downward spiral each doing more evil in the sight of God than the previous. Then we get to Ahab, Jezebel and Elijah. There was a constant feud between these three and to me Jezebel was the one that continually stirred the pot, causing problem after problem. Even after Elijah was taken to heaven she continued to do great evil. The book ends with the son of Ahab and Jezebel ruling as king of Israel "he served Baal and worshiped him, provoking the anger of the lord, just as his father had done."
This journey through the old testament is eye opening to the truth of God's unconditional love. My human nature can not fathom having the capacity to continually bring redemption and forgiveness, second chances, to people who continue to abandon me, blatantly choose counterfeit over real, authentic and genuine. It has been a lesson in loving others, because if God can love us through all of this, who am I to not love others?
I cannot believe that I am going to say the old cliche... but wow, time flies! I cannot believe that Madison is 13! This birthday was particularly difficult for me because it dawned on me I have fewer years with her at home than the the years I've spent with her.
To paint Madison as a budding 13 year old would be one of beauty and vibrancy. I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming. She is beautiful, but her beauty radiates much deeper than just her smile and stunning eyes; it burns bright from her kind heart that is full of integrity and strong character. She has chosen some amazing friends with similar goals, attitudes, and values; which in turn has given us 1 1/2 years of little to no middle school girl drama! She continues to love soccer and plays on the competitive soccer team traveling all over Colorado to compete, they finished their fall season in 1st place in the league with an undefeated record. She is now playing school basketball, and her team is also undefeated. She picked up playing the bass guitar over the summer and has joined the school jazz band as well as continuing to play the flute in the concert band. She has excellent grades in all her classes including both Honors Math and Honors Literacy. She has written some amazing poetry this year, which was published in the local news paper, and given amazing reviews from local poets. She really tries to battle that typical teen attitudes and disrespect and readily apologizes when she messes up. Her brother absolutely adores her and wants to be everywhere she is and do everything she does. Now don't get me wrong, not everything is rainbows and unicorns where Madison is concerned, her room is atrocious, she regularly shows evidence of having no frontal lobe, antagonizes her brother, and thinks that her social life trumps pretty much everything else... but she is a great kid that makes our jobs as parent's pretty easy.
Enough with the sappy stuff....
This year for her birthday she decided to do a sleep over bowling party with her friends. These 8 girls mowed through the food and closed down the bowling ally! They were all very entertaining for Brian and I. One of her friends is a pitcher for softball and for her first turn she did a complete fast pitch wind up with the bowling ball before releasing it down the lane. Her face was priceless when she realized what she had done, and it gave the rest of us a good laugh. Gracy managed to get her finger stuck in the bowling ball, and fought off panic for several minutes before she finally got it to release. For their second game of bowling they did what is called "funky bowl" which included bowling by holding the hand of a partner, pushing the ball down with their feet, and even "Tebowling". They had planned to do a flash mob at the bowling ally, but to their dismay they were one of 3 groups at the ally that late. Our entire living room was covered with mattresses, blankets and girls sprawled everywhere. The record for staying up the latest was not broken at our house (6:00 am), and our latest girl reported only making it to 2:00... must be the Caster house, we just can't stay up late here! I think a good time was had by all, and Madison was welcomed into the teens with a memorable party! Here are some pics from the event:
Learned: If 8 teen girls ate 3 lbs of bbq beef, 2 gallons of lemonade, 1 gallon of milk, 1 package of oreos, 1 bag of licorice, 1 king size box of Jr. Mints, 2 bags of Fritos, 2 cans of bean dip, 10 cinnamon rolls, 1 lb of bacon, and 1 dzn eggs, then we are in serious trouble when Maddox has his buddies over at 13...
Learned: (sappy) As Madison gets older, I am reminded, and my excitement is stirred, in seeing the plan God has for her. I know it is big, I know it is good.
ME: I RAN: I ran at least 560 miles this year. This included training and running my best ever half marathon, The Rock and Roll Denver, in 2 hours and 56 seconds. I READ: I exceeded my Good Reads goal of 24 books by ONE book. My favorite reads of this year would be Cutting for Stone and The Forgotten Garden. I have a goal to read through the entire bible, as of today I have completed through 2 Samuel. I really thought it would be a whole lot more boring to read the Bible, but I am really enjoying it. It's surprising how helpful having read the first 5 books of the Bible has been when reading some New Testament passages...shedding new light on a lot of questions I have always had. Two books that really challenged me to think and grow were Blue Like Jazz and Heaven is For Real. I (started) GROWING UP: I did a lot of self reflection and resoluting to grow up and get over some of my issues... I have a lot to do still, but it feels good to be opening my eyes to the possibility of embracing change for the better. I BECAME A BIT CREATIVE: I made a jewelry art piece for my room, canned jam, and convinced my husband into letting me have his grandpas antique stove and used it as a entertainment stand. I (almost) DIED: discovered the hard way that I am allergic to peaches and now have to cary an epi pen... this caused me some depression, and several dreams where I indulged in peaches, only to wake by trying to make myself puke them up. I JOINED A GYM: joined Allison and hired a trainer for a few weeks of the summer, who pushed me to do some stuff that is harder than running 13 miles. I TAUGHT: started my 9th year of teaching, taught a class on standard based grading at a district inservice, and embraced a lot of top down change with the best attitude I can muster... in truth my students are great and make it all worth while. I GAVE: Anne and I continued to make our monthly meals for the homeless shelter, and this year we took on making gift bags for the ones that would be spending Christmas Eve at the shelter. (In truth ANNE organized it all). But it was great to be a part of assembling and delivering. I PLAYED TENNIS: Finally Jolene and I signed up and played in the Taco Bell Tennis tournament (we've been talking the talk for a few years). We quickly found out that our 3 weeks of preparation was not enough to hang with the big dogs (old ladies who play every day) and win the whole thing, but we did pull out a few wins and didn't get eliminated immediately.
Madison: Madison finished 6th grade still loving school, and started (and continues) 7th grade the same way. She has a great group of friends and is very into the social thing (as evident by her 1400+ texts a month). She started taking bass guitar lessons and is now playing in the school Jazz Band. Madison also took a hunters safety course and earned her hunters safety card, though not in time to get a license this year. She had a Halloween party complete with a haunted house that I had to chaperone (thankfully for me it was cheesy), and at this party they set a goal of saving money to go to Hawaii for their senior trip. Madison got a new soccer coach, and the change in her attitude, confidence, and play is incredible; in fact the whole team did a 180 going from not winning but 2 games, to no losses. Madison also got her braces off, and WOW her smile is amazing! She turned 13, and continues to be a wonderful daughter, growing into a beautiful young woman.
Maddox: Maddox had a year of milestones... he learned to ride a bike, lost his first tooth, graduated preschool and started Kindergarten. We had our first parent teacher conference, where Maddox sat like a perfect angel, and we were informed he is the model student always tries his best, works hard, is kind, and learning like a sponge. I am a bit embarrassed to say that we were surprise by this, and had been expecting to hear that he can't sit still, is a crazy rambunctious boy. He also started his first season of T-ball, and absolutely loved it. Maddox started his second season of wrestling and in the first tournament he got second place. We celebrated his 5th birthday with an ear infection that delayed our zoo trip by a day, but we still made it and he loved it. Maddox has a strong conscience, and is highly compassionate.
Brian: Brian continues to be an amazing dad and husband. He coached Maddox's T-ball team, and his expertise was evident in our teams superior skill and behavior on the field during practice and games. He is also coaching the Palisade Little Dogs Wrestling. He has been working with the older kids, as we have realized that Maddox receives wrestling instruciton better from someone who is not dad. He took Maddox on his first hunting trip, but Madison continues to be his lucky hunting charm and they got a really nice doe that added 80 lbs of burger, italian sausage, breakfast sausage, and steaks to our freezer. He got sick for Elk season, which bummed him out (and me... I love elk meat).
We Traveled: We went on our first Caster Family vacation, driving 18 hours to Northern Idaho, 30 miles from the Canadian border; arriving in Priest Lake ID. This was a magical trip, while we were there my soul felt at home, and since we left my soul has longed to return. We also spent almost a week in Steamboat for a soccer tournament, since we travel so much for soccer, we try to make the trips mini vacations; and Steamboat was a nice little get away. We opted for camping out in the pop up at a KOA type campground, complete with a pool and games. I think we all had a great "camping" experience. Another soccer mini vacation was the annual trip to Vegas, the focus was strictly soccer... though we managed a drive down the strip for Maddox, and a dinner in Cesar's Palace. Brian and I took a weekend trip to Ouray, this may be my favorite "him and I" get away ever, complete with a beautiful hike. We also had a mini family retreat with my mom and Dan and all 4 of us kids... they rented a beautiful cabin between Ridgeway and Ouray, that was so massive all 17 of us slept and lived very comfortably. Dan had a great dinosaur dig activity for all the grand kids to participate in, and we enjoyed playing on the lake and campfires at night.
Major Random Events: Nik and Megan got married in June, the wedding was beautiful, and my kids were perfect, Maddox got hooked on the mother son dance and couldn't wait to dance it again at Brian's cousin, Patricia's, wedding in July. Brian's grandpa passed away, and we had a beautiful service that surprised me with its huge sentimental impact for me. This spurred a massive house cleaning/estate sale to get their house ready to be sold and Grandma moved into a retirement community. My brother had his third little girl, Teegan. My cousin Christa played tennis for the US team in the Special Olympics in Greece, and she came home with some medals too... like silver and bronze... I am so proud! My aunt Pepper moved to GJ, to live with my grandma. This has been such a blessing for my mom to have her sister close, and between the two of them, my grandma is in good hands!
After writing my last post I was flooded with amazing Christmas memories, reminding me how special this time of year is, and how full of love and family my childhood holidays actually were,
My most cherished memory of Christmas is spending Christmas Eve with my Grandma and Grandpa Barron; I don't remember a Christmas of my youth that this night was not shared with them. I loved gathering at her house (her house was the most magical place in the known universe to me). On one special year my cousins from Pennsylvania came out and I remember sneaking out to the backroom where the glow of the Christmas tree was just enough to illuminate the silhouette of some large enchanting castle... or play house... but in the morning it was an amazing puppet stage. There were also these scooter that I remember spending hours racing around on.
The most vivid memory of spending Christmas Eve with my favored grandparents, was awaiting with anticipation that moment when Grandpa would present Grandma with the annual night gown gift. The gowns were always so beautiful and silky, long and flowing, complete with matching robes. It was as if this gift embodied the love that surrounded and held this family together.
I remember the first year this gift did not appear. My grandpa had passed away in September 1998, a few short months later we were all gathered for our first Christmas without him. As we all unwrapped our gifts, there was the unspoken question buzzing in all of us... will the night gown gift miraculously appear? Had grandpa, knowing his passing was eminent, arranged for one last gown? There was no gown under the tree that year, and nary a one since. A piece of the magic that night held had slipped away.
In the passing of Christmas Eves from that year on, traditions have changed, new traditions have sprouted. I have a family all of my own and we are making our own Eves special. I can only hope that what we make of this night will be magical for my children, that they will find a tradition that embodies the love that surrounds and holds this family together.
Learned: How beautiful a memory of love and loss can be.
I am pretty sure as a kid I loved the holidays, that time from Thanksgiving through New Years where we stuff our faces with ungodly amounts of food and sweets, stay up late, sleep in, and act like crazy people running around shopping centers throwing our money around. I am not quite sure when the tides changed from childhood wonder to adult distain. I don't think there is a defining moment, one singular incident, rather a gradual knot that twisted its way, binding my heart to beat "bahumbug".
Growing up in a generation where 50% of marriages end in divorce I was not alone in having split my time among several families throughout the Holiday season. Throw in step parents and their families, and it's a wonder that I could even waddle out of the last house on Thanksgiving. I remember one year consuming no less than 5 full thanksgiving meals. At every house there was always a favorite dish I had to partake in, and I remember feeling like I had to eat so as to not offend the host.
For Christmas we had a pretty good routine down. Christmas Eve was spent with Grandma and Grandpa Barron. The first few hours of Christmas morning were spent at home with my mom and Bill, in a flurry the paper would be off the gifts, the stalkings would be dumped out, we would just begin to play and it would be time to go to my dad's. Most of Christmas day would be spent with my dad and his family. There were quite a few years we drove up to Rifle to spend the day with our cousins sledding and traipsing in the snow. Christmas night often ended back at home or at Bills mom's home.
So what's the big deal? Reflecting on this I remember how much fun I had with all the cousins, how loved I felt by all the family. When did this change to dread? At some point, most likely those unbearable teen years, I was forced to continue in the routine and it all just became too much. I began to despise being yanked from one home to another.
And this has continued now that I am grown up with a family of my own. Every year for the past 12 years we have been pulled out of our home in the early hours of Christmas day to go somewhere and do something with someone else, and I felt I had no choice in the matter. I think that is key, choice...
Just yesterday I discovered the other deeply seeded cause to my holiday anxiety, gift giving. This has stressed me out every year, and I didn't know how to put words to it, so I just attributed it to not liking Christmas being commercialized. And maybe I don't like that, but it isn't the cause of all this anxiety, and it wasn't until I saw the same trait in my son that I could put words to it myself.
Brian and I always let the kids decide on a gift they would like to get each of us, and Maddox is finally old enough to make this decision with little to no guidance from us. When asked what he wanted to get Madison, Dad, and Mom, he started to panic and get frustrated and cranky, finally just throwing his hands into the air as if to say "I give up". At that precise moment realization was birthed in me... that's exactly how I feel... I get completely overwhelmed when it comes to picking gifts for my family and friends.
But why?
How can a material gift even begin to communicate how important a person is in your life and how much you appreciate them? It can't... but I want each and every gift to do just that, to be absolutely perfect, one that caters to the likes and interests of the person, one that is so special that the gift is no longer the physical item but literally how much thought was put behind it. It may come as a surprise to discover that I never seem to find that perfect gift, nothing is ever good enough, and that brings me great distress.
This year I have had much more difficulty in putting on the pretty face of a mom who loves the holidays, and have had a few complete freak outs. The guilt that comes with these is almost unbearable. I do not want my kids to come to hate the holidays because their mother is a complete wreck, so something has gotta give... I've gotta make a change.
Knowing and being able to put words to what causes my anxiety has already helped me. I think that I can let myself off the hook, and begin to see that no matter what the gift, it's just a little piece to let them know that they are an important part of my life.
As for my second issue: This year I was given the choice of what to do and where to go for Christmas. Knowing that I wasn't expected to parade all over town, hop from one house to another, made the thought of doing just that completely bearable. I was able to rationalize beyond myself and see that maybe I could do what I have come to hate, IF my kids enjoy it. But in the end I am getting what I have always wanted, Christmas at my own home, for the entire day. Maybe next year I can choose to go.
I know that untying the bahumbug knot, retraining my emotions and feelings, will be a process, and it is not likely to be easy. But it is time to let it go, it is time to appreciate, and truly celebrate Christmas.
Learned: Getting older is inevitable, but growing up is a choice; a choice to seize positive change, even when it hurts, even when it is difficult... change that sacrifices the selfish nature of youth for the altruistic embrace of maturity.
Though school started (quite chaotically) for Madison and I last week, Maddox had a few extra days to anxiously await his school debut. Today his wait was over.
I was so happy that my principal arranged for someone to cover my classroom so I could take him to his first day of "real school". On our way, he told me that he was going to get good grades and not get sent to the Principal's office, I couldn't help but smile.
I could tell he was nervous, he was so quiet, his smile was held back, hands shoved in his pockets. We parked, and walked around the building (the way he would when grandma drops him off), found his classroom, and once I agreed to wait at the school until he made it into class he headed off to play on playground equipment with the mass of other children. He kept looking back over his shoulder to see if I was still waiting, giving me the thumbs up sign. Just as he reached the graveled play area he turned around and bolted back to me.
"Mom, I am just not ready to play yet, I need to give you another hug and kiss." So there we stood till the bell rang, holding hands and discussing his hopes (making friends) and fears (bullys). At the sound of the bell he grabbed his backpack and lined up outside his classroom door with the other kids. He kept waving me over to make sure I was coming in and would give him one more hug and kiss inside.
We made our way into the classroom, hunting for his name tag on the desks. He found it with out any trouble, sat down and grabbed a book from the center of the table to start reading, just like he knew what he was doing.
He had time for one more hug and mom's message of "you will be great," before he was ready to go it alone. As I walked out the door, with one last glance over my shoulder, I saw my baby sitting like such a big boy, completely ready for kindergarten.
My eyes remained dry, I remained strong... until I drove away alone.
I could hardly work today thinking of him at school, wondering if he was enjoying it, if he got on the right bus, if he had made friends.
As soon as I picked him up, I just had to know "How was your first day of school?" In the seconds, that lapsed like years, before his reply I held my breath. How he answered could easily set the tone for the next 12 years of school.
Today we said good bye to Brian's grandpa Bill. The memorial service was a beautiful closure for all of us, held at Carrie's, the Grand Mesa stunning as a backdrop.
The memories shared today were heart warming and eye moistening. My favorite... their first meeting...
Grandma's friend had been bugging her for a while about going on a blind date finally she agreed. Grandpa, of course showed up, but as the other girls date. As they all tried to pile into a 3 seater car, grandpa told grandma she could sit on his lap..."I told him I wasn't that kind of girl!" He was so taken with her that he showed up, unannounced, on her doorstep two days later, and the rest is history.
Carrie shared beautiful memories of her grandpa, "I met my grandpa on a hot summer day 37 years ago...I don't remember that meeting, but I remember him smelling of Kool cigarettes, and I remember his huge hands...The last time I saw my grandpa was a hot summer day." I loved her story of him being a prankster... On one of their summer visits she offered to buy him and grandma ice cream, and as they pulled out of the drive, he began inviting all the neighbors. When she said she didn't have enough money to pay for all of them, he told her she'd have to give up her ice cream in order to buy theirs... but when they got there he paid for them all, complete with an ornery chuckle.
Dillon shared about how wonderful it was to have grown up with his grandparents here, as they moved to this side of the mountain just after he was born. He shared how no movie night would be complete with out grandpa's glass of milk filled with popcorn, eaten with a spoon.
I had the privilege of reading for Amy {she didn't think she could get through it}, I didn't think I would have a problem reading her memories... memories of being pushed around on the floor mop in their used furniture store, memories of having to link arms and hold the old car door closed as they went around the corners. How her dad called her babies "little wheels" {because they are casters}. But I began to waver when I got to her sharing what a loving father he was, how he told her she was pretty, even when she wore glasses and had braces. Her closing line "I will miss you dad, and love you forever" got caught in my throat as I attempted to quench the sob that was rising.
Grandma Ruth did amazing today. I can't imagine having to say good bye to my husband and having to continue on with out him. She told Carrie, "No wife wants to see the love of her life for 62 years, suffer and live like that."
Celebrating my 32nd year happened with out much "pomp and circumstance", but I did not feel any less special or loved.
For the past few years, maybe since I have been running, I have celebrated my birthday with a difficult run, as a way to laugh in the face of age's ill effects, and this year was no different. Anne and I went on an 8 mile run in Palisade, the official kick start to our half marathon training. I absolutely love running in Palisade; through out the run we are surrounded by orchards, vineyards, quaint Victorian homes, and stunning mountains. It is so peaceful, an inspiring place to run.
After the run I headed to the gym with Allison, I posted about our work out earlier, but in short: I expected upper body, we did lower body, my legs cried...
Later that day Allison and I went out for pedicures and coffee, it was nice to be pampered a bit.
That evening Brian and I went out for sushi.(Allison watched Maddox, and Madison had soccer practice) Then he took me shopping for my present. I have been wanting some sort of e-reader for quite a while now, so we went to Best Buy where I could try them all out in one place. I ended up with the Nook, mainly because we have a B&N local, so I can go in there and get help if I need it. I didn't get the color because I really didn't want to be reading off of a back lit screen, just being on the computer for a bit makes my eyes cross.
Maddox kept asking when we were going to have my party, and when he found out we weren't having one he asked: "How are you going to get all your presents then?" He didn't like the answer that when you grow up partys and the barrage of gifts dwindle... he doesn't want to grow up now.
As 32 approached I became very reflective on what it meant to grow up, I mean I am now as old as my mom... you know that phenomenon when you become the age you remember your parents being when you were growing up... it's a weird place to be.
Now that I am an official grown up...{32 is the magic # i guess} I have come to some realizations.... the first and greatest.... is I really don't care what other people think any more. This is huge for me. My whole life I have cared what other people think, so much so that I don't think I really knew who I was, from the clothes I choose to wear, to the design styling of my home, or my opinions on politics, education, and religion; I am not sure if those reflect me or the me I created in hopes of being accepted. I have been so consumed being the friend, or daughter that I thought other people wanted me to be that I became lost in the mix somewhere.
Over the past few years I have been thinking and discussing this with my closest friends. I really thing that this stems from me HATING conflict, and I think that comes from fear of abandonment. I have thought that if I disagreed with someone, or argued with someone they would leave me, not be my friend anymore, not love me anymore.
For example on my 30th birthday we went to Ridgeway and Ouray with Vycci and Danny. One evening we were sitting have a nice talk when all of the sudden the conversation turned to a touchy topic. I completely withdrew from the conversation while B, Vycci, and Danny continued. The situation became so uncomfortable for me that, completely out of character, I spoke up and asked to change the subject saying I was uncomfortable with the arguing. All three of them looked at me a bit bewildered... "were not arguing, we are just having a conversation." It turns out that no one else felt the tension of the discussion except for me.
This moment has been pivotal for me; it helped me see that it is my own insecurity that brings tension to conversations. That everyone else {exaggeration I know} can have a conversation, even a disagreement, and it doesn't rock them emotionally into thinking their friendship or relationship is going to fall apart from it. In fact I have come to realize that having these touchy discussions, conversations about the deeper things or our beings {beliefs, persuasions, prejudices, culture} are what bring a relationship deeper, make it more meaningful.
I am no where near being comfortable with these situations, but I am at a place where I don't want to run from them. I am in a place where I feel I finally can embrace who I am, with out fear of rejection.
So who am I?
I am someone who longs to know God more, someone who can't imagine a life with out her husband and it scares her to death, someone whose heart feels as though it will burst with how much love and joy her children bring to her.
I am someone who needs friendships and time to cultivate them just as much as time spent alone.
I am someone who is competitive, creative, and thrives in academia, though I doubt the uniqueness of my perspective-what I have to offer.
I am someone full of emotion and feels them all with blazing intensity, it often skews my ability to be reasonable and think rationally.
I am someone who will give all of me, do everything in my power, give up anything, when called upon for help.
Learned? I am someone, who at 32, is finally coming into her own.
Day 5: Monday was a big day for me... I turned 32, and it was our first day back to reality after an amazing week in Northern Idaho {aka Heaven}, which also meant it was gym day AND the kick off to officially begin training for the half marathon in October. So after an 8 mile run I headed to the gym, I had been promised a day of upper body by our trainer, but she lied... you know how trainers are..."ok, do 12 reps", and at 12 they say "now give me 2 more." Or "only ten more seconds, go as hard as you can" and after 10 seconds they say "now back to normal for 10 more seconds". {I am really not complaining, the only reason to have a trainer is they will push you harder than you would yourself...} but today I was really looking forward to giving my legs a break and torturing my arms, chest, and back.
First circuit: (3 times) Reverse lunges (with weights) off a step, same leg 16 reps then switch Lateral Plyo jumps up and over the step, land into a squat.
Circuit 2: 3 times Wall sit (1 min) Calf raises (1 min) Inner thigh (squeeze ball between knees 1 min) Plyo Push up (push up head to head with partner clap opposite hands at peak of lift.
It seems like there was another circuit we did between these two but I just can't remember {old age}; do you remember Allison?
Day 6: Upper Body First Circuit: (3 times) Bench press (51 lb bar) 16 reps T-bar (?? lbs) 16 reps - this one was working the back, you lay on stomach on this machine and grab a bar below you and pull it back, wrapping your shoulder blades around spine, then elbows up, and one final back squeeze. 1 min. Mountain Climbers
Second Circuit: Bosu Ball (3 times) Stand on Bosu Hammer curl to overhead press to tricep dip/extension, and back down (12) Bird dog: knees on Bosu, extend opposite leg and arm reach out and pinch up then tap hand and tow down (8,4,2 on each side) Lateral Plyo Squat up and over bosu ball (1 min)
This was only yesterday but I may be forgetting something here to...
Learned? I only have 2 more sessions with the trainer {I have to go back to work} but I do think that I am getting stronger and firmer, Brian said he is starting to see some definition in my arms! Let's just hope I will keep up some basic weights after this is all over...
So I really don't know what has happened to this month... I mean just yesterday it was June and now I find my self encroaching very close to the month of August! I know we have been super busy but I can't remember what we have actually done...
I remember that we enjoyed the 4th with my my mom and Dan and Brian's parents; and that was after we enjoyed the day fishing/hiking up on the mesa.
I also remember that I ran...a lot...lots of serpents trail runs, lots of runs with Anne and Lisa and Ari...
I also remember that we spent a lot of time in the water, either at the lake or at a friends...
I also remember that we spread Bill's ashes. It has been eight years and have been trying to find the perfect time to get everyone together and then the right time of year to get back into his favorite lake on the Mesa (Colby Horse). But since its been 8 years we opted to go for the second favorite lake (40 Acre) and with just his mom, and siblings. I was truly shocked at how emotional I became. I need some more time to process all of this and will (promise) write about it later. As of now all I can say is it was an emotional experience for all of us.
I also remember that we bought a new car... we have been talking about it for a while. I really wanted/needed something that I felt more comfortable driving over the mtns in, especially after this crazy winter and spring! Plus we needed more room for all the "adopted" children I cart around (aka Madison's friends), and it will be nice to carpool with some other families... Our friends Vycci and Danny got a Sequoia last year and we love it and all the room it provides. It isn't black but I really can't imagine a huge black beast and how hot and dirty it would be all the time. And the best part is that I get FREE CAR WASHES FOR LIFE with it!!!
I also remember some INSANE migraines. I got one last Wednesday and was pretty puny for the next day or so, then got hit with another one that next Sunday! Sunday's was a killer and had me crippled for 6 days, I finally feel better today. Needless to say I have started seeing my acupuncture lady again, and plan on never stopping that again, cuz I can NOT deal with that again especially during the school year!
Well that has been my life for the past few weeks, at least what I remember of it!
Learned: I need to find a balance between running and resting, can't drain my body like that anymore...
OH!!! and Maddox learned to swim... all by him self, I mean I didn't teach him (because he wouldn't let me) and he didn't take lessons (because his teacher SUCKED last year). He just jumped in and swam to me like it was no big deal! So impressed!
I can not believe that I have not posted about Maddox's birthday and it is now well over a month since the big day! We had a great time with the family, all of my brothers were there or represented in some way (Alix couldn't get home but his wife was in town for graduation so she came), as well as all the grand parents, Brian's sister, and Christie (Dillon had to work). So there were plenty of kids to make it a fun party for the birthday boy: Malia, Rider, Tenley, Tessa, Myla, and Madison.
Here are some pics of the special day.
It is really had to believe that it has been four years since Maddox was born, it has gone so fast... This past year has brought on a lot of growth and change in him. He has really changed into a boy and not a toddler, he started school which (thank GOD) he loves, his imagination has gone wild, and he continues to be full of energy always running, throwing, MMA-ing, wrestling -- basically be a full on boy. He also has a very intuitive and loving side, caring for those around him including the dogs. He has his mother's strong will (thankfully mine is stronger), and his father's fun loving and carefree perspective on life. I don't think a day goes by that he doesn't do something to make us all laugh, smile, or bring us joy.
All of our lives have been so blessed and enriched because of him. Though I don't wish the years away, I am excited to see his life unfold.
Learned: Reminded of how much meaning children bring to your life...
YAHOOO! Today was my official last day of school, and it was an easy one to boot! I had all my finals graded early this week so all I had to do was submit my grades and pack up my room (lock everything away because they do summer school in there). I was done and left by noon. I even took a moment to "shop" at our schools lost and found and picked up a great bag that I can take to the beach as well as several really nice name brand sweatshirts for the kids and I. (Sorry Brian, most middle school kids don't wear your size...). With a quick wash they will be just perfect!
The last week of school is always full of crazy schedules and special events. This year I got to go to the 8th grade pool party on Tuesday. The weather turned out to be beautiful which made it a perfect day. I got to play tennis with some of the kids and just enjoy hanging out with them in a different setting. I also really like the 8th grade team, they are so fun to be around and we spend most of the time laughing...
Yesterday was our last day with kids; it is always a fun day filled with games, and year book signings, and of course middle school girls DRAMA!!! We always have plenty of staff vs. student games including three legged races, tug-of-war, and volley ball games. The last hour and a half of the day is spent with all the kids in the cafeteria signing year books and 8th grade girls balling their eyes out.... and this year was no different. It always amazes me that all year long the kids can hardly wait to bust out of the building at the bell, but on the last day we have to kick them out and herd them to the buses.
Even though I am excited to be done with the year, I will miss some of my kids ... Jenna, Amber, Celia, Currey, Dena, Katy (though I will see her regularly since Madison is attached at the hip to her sister Emma), Alex, Jacob, Skyler... just to name a few of the great kids I had for the past two years. I am sure they will be successful in HS, and I expect to see great things from them in the future. I trust in GOD that I have been what these students needed... a mom, friend, mentor, someone to listen, someone to correct, someone that cares, or someone just to be consistent in their lives. I can only trust that what I have planted in their lives will be watered by someone else, and harvested later.
It has been a tradition for years for the staff to "wave" to the kids as the buses pull away. It is a fun way to let the kids at least think we are going to miss them when really we are waving because we are even more excited than the kids to be on summer break... :)
So here is to a great year, and an even better summer!!!
Learned: Time flies not only when you are having fun, but when you are working hard... (but I did have fun teaching this year...)
