Stressing

Ok... so I am completely stressing right now... Brian and I have got the ball rolling on finding a new house in Palisade (this has been our long term plan for ever), but now that we are getting stuff going and not just talking about it I am stressing out.

I don't think it is the change so much as the uncertainty of it all... and then I start seeing EVERY! LITTLE! THING! that needs to be done in our house before it is ready to sell...and then I start thinking about how hard it is going to be to keep our house in "showing" condition with 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 parents with more than full time jobs, soccer 3 nights a week, and soccer games in Denver for the next 5 weekends!

AHHHHH! I just start to self destruct -- literally! My brain quits forming coherent thoughts and plans, and I start swimming in circles like a fish with whirling disease, going no where and expending a lot of energy doing nothing, all the while being swept away by the current....

AND THEN... I remember that God is GOD, and that is all that really matters, this life is but a vapor, and all these decisions that I think are oh so important have little weight on eternity. I remember that God gives peace that passes all understanding (thankfully because I have little of it now with my whirling disease), and I remember that in all things God is in control.... I remember that I need to let go...

AND THEN I freak out again... because I am a CONTROL FREAK, and letting go isn't easy for me...

LEARNED: It is easy for me to say I trust God, but actually doing it is the challenge? Why is that?

Distraught

ERRK! I think something, some invisible creature, has taken up residence in my home. This creature seems to take pleasure in stealing and hiding my running stuff. Monday morning I got out my ear warmers set them down on the bed, went and brushed my teeth and put my hair up, came back and they were gone! I mean literally gone! I took all the covers and sheets off the bed, not there,. I looked under the bed and between the head and foot boards, in the pile of clean laundry, and the pile of dirty laundry. I looked where it is usually stored. I searched every room, even looking in those odd places such as the refrigerator, and under the bathroom sink, gone I tell you. Both the kids said they didn't touch it.

I gave up the search and headed out with one of Brian's beanies on, which ended up being a good idea as it was freezing, actually 20 degrees below freezing!

Now I am getting ready to run again, and I can not find my BRAND NEW GARMIN FORERUNNER 50! Again I have searched everywhere, even more thorough than with the ear warmer! So to calm down I thought I would sit here and vent! Maybe by getting all the anger, sadness, and guilt out on "paper" will help me think more clearly...

I am hoping that little hands (meaning Maddox) did not decide to play with it and place it somewhere impossible to find. I am visioning it being crushed in the trash truck, or chewed to pieces by the dog, sent to the good will in a bag of clothes.... To think I only got to use it once!

EDIT: I am certain it is some malicious creature, now I can't find my asthma inhaler....

EDIT 2: Well the watch has been found, as well as the inhaler. The watch was under a table, pretty obvious considering all obscure places I looked, and the inhaler was in the jogging stroller from the last time I pushed Maddox on a run. Still missing, black Turtlefur ear warmers.

Learned? Everything has a home and it needs to be put back there immediately, leaving no chance for little fingers or invisible creatures to run off with it.

"Cause you'll burn it..."

I think that I have made a lasting impression on my son. About a month ago I toasted him some cinnamon raisin bread and burnt it black, so I put in two more pieces and once again burnt them even blacker (if that could be possible). Since this incident he has banned me from making him toast or bagels. He insists that I instead put it in the oven. If Brian is home he refuses to let me even touch it. When I offer, he puts his hand up (ya know like talk to the hand) and says "No mom, I want daddy do it." When asked why... "cause you'll burn it." Brian finds this absolutely hilarious, and offers Maddox toast or bagels for every meal just to reenact this conversation.

Figures, the one thing that my son will remember from his childhood is that mom burns toast.

Learned? Maybe I should mess up all the rest of my cooking, then I will be banned from all cooking...Hmmm not a bad idea.

Where's My Brain?

I can't believe that it has been a month since I last wrote. There has not been anything too exciting going on.

Though I have been experiencing my fair share of brain farts...

The other day I took my lunch to school, just as I do EVERY day, and thought I put it in my little fridge in my classroom. Well come lunch time I opened my fridge and it was gone. I looked in my purse, the drawers of my file cabinet, under my desk. I even walked out to my car... no lunch any where. At this point it was too late to go buy school lunch, and when I don't eat I get quite cranky. I was so frustrated because I knew I had brought my lunch. At the last minute before I turned into a monster, I happened to look in the microwave, and there it was. What was I thinking?

Then, just this week, I have been trying to schedule parent teacher conferences with Madison's teacher. I made all these changes because I thought the original time was going to overlap with the parent teacher conferences at my school. Then it dawns on me... Madison's PT Conferences are next week, two week prior to my conferences. So all that work to change it when it didn't need to be changed, and now I am not sure if I will be able to make it at all. Can you say "ding bat"!

I also run every Tuesday and Thursday nights while Madison is practicing soccer. I push Maddox in my 10 year old jogging stroller, and we have a great time. The tires on the stroller are quite old, so they have developed slow leaks, which requires me to pump them up each time I run (or I could just change them -- but I am too cheep). So I pull the stroller out and set it up, get Maddox all buckled in, and take off on my normal rout. I am barely 1/3 of the way around my 1.3 mile lap (I usually run at least 3 laps)and feel like I am running in quick sand, my muscles are hardly working. I can't figure out what is wrong, so to be sure I don't injure something, I walk. A few days later it dawns on me that I had forgotten to pump the tires up! No wonder I had such a hard time: pushing a 50 pound kid in a 20 pound stroller with flat tires in gravel... DUH it was probably the equivalent of running in quick sand with weighted boots!

I hope that I have actually learned something these last few weeks and my brain has not really fallen out of my head.

On a completely different note: Maddox has been potty trained for a while now, only wearing a diaper at night. Well the last two mornings he has woken up with a dry diaper!!! I can hardly wait to be rid of those things!