Who Has Time For This??

Apparently, not me.... I have so much that I want to record and share but life is so crazy hectic right now and I just can't find the time to do all of these post justice.  I'll settle for tidbits and maybe get to pictures and full posts later.

Soccer (aka: DRAMA!! )Madison's soccer club/team has undergone some major changes and there is major drama.  We've had coaching changes, girls leaving for another club, coaches turning it into an allegiance issue rather than allowing families to do what is best for them... it's a crazy mess (and for once the Casters are not at the center of it)  The season was finished with a great record and we will be moving up a level in the competitive CYS league.  We will have (another) new, very young, coach to begin next season, and Madison still has doubts about her decision to stay with her current team.  We played in the local GMIT tournament and Madison got a goal, her first in YEARS!  

Maddox: he is a major rule follower... his teacher instructed the class to wear clothes over their swim suits to school for water day.  I know this was intended for the little girls, so they wouldn't be in their little bikinis all day, but Maddox would not, could not, be convinced other wise.  In the end it was easier to give in and allow him to wear his clothes over his swim shorts and rash guard... he looked atrocious! (I'll post a pic when I get a chance.)

10 and 40:  Brian and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary, (he got a AR 15, I got diamond earrings). Two days later we hosted a party to celebrate his parents 40th anniversary.  I can hardly believe it's been ten years.  When I think of how little Madison was it seems like forever ago, but it went so fast.

The school year is winding down, and there is always anxiety about changes for the upcoming year. This year is no different, it is even worse than normal as there are more budget cuts, and the district continues to make decision behind closed doors with the best interest of administration rather than students and the ones that are closest to them.  I do know that I have a job next year, I do know that I will get a bit of a raise (step and lane)... but at what cost to my coworkers who may or may not have jobs next yea? (I could rant for quite a while on this...)

The end of the year brings mixed feelings for me, I am so happy to be done and just get to be a mom for the next few months, but saying good bye to my 8th graders this year is tough.  We had a great day at the pool party, they literally blew my socks off at the spring fling music concert last night, and for the next two days we get to just play, reflect, and have fun together.  This group of kids has something special, and it is sad to see them go, but also so exciting to see them off on their next chapter.  I can't wait to see the amazing things they accomplish!

I started reading a new series a few weeks ago and am just finishing it... I'll have to post my review via Goodreads soon. I have a huge stack of books I commandeered from my teammates library for the summer, plus some new ones on the Nook, AND a few that I want to re-read. 

I'm headed to Idaho this summer for a week long education conference.  I am really looking forward to this time... in more ways than one!  A week of being responsible for only myself, as well as getting into so really great courses and walking away with an additional 4 credits!  This should give me enough for my GT certification!  After this I think I'll take a break from graduate courses for awhile, at least until after my masters degree is paid off.

Maddox had his 6th birthday, it seemed to span several weeks as we were in Denver the day of his birthday, and had a family party before and a huge friend party after.  He was spoiled rotten (of course) with a trip to the Denver Aquarium and to see the Avengers while in D-town.  Then a HUGE birthday bash at the park with a ton of friends.

Just this took me over a half an hour to whip up, and it is shallow, surface level, poorly written, and doesn't even include pictures.  Maybe next week I'll be able to blog again... oh wait... .I've got a two day class, followed by a soccer tournament, followed by two weeks of teaching summer school... dang!

Holiday Anxiety

I am pretty sure as a kid I loved the holidays, that time from Thanksgiving through New Years where we stuff our faces with ungodly amounts of food and sweets, stay up late, sleep in, and act like crazy people running around shopping centers throwing our money around. I am not quite sure when the tides changed from childhood wonder to adult distain. I don't think there is a defining moment, one singular incident, rather a gradual knot that twisted its way, binding my heart to beat "bahumbug".

Growing up in a generation where 50% of marriages end in divorce I was not alone in having split my time among several families throughout the Holiday season. Throw in step parents and their families, and it's a wonder that I could even waddle out of the last house on Thanksgiving. I remember one year consuming no less than 5 full thanksgiving meals. At every house there was always a favorite dish I had to partake in, and I remember feeling like I had to eat so as to not offend the host.

For Christmas we had a pretty good routine down. Christmas Eve was spent with Grandma and Grandpa Barron. The first few hours of Christmas morning were spent at home with my mom and Bill, in a flurry the paper would be off the gifts, the stalkings would be dumped out, we would just begin to play and it would be time to go to my dad's. Most of Christmas day would be spent with my dad and his family. There were quite a few years we drove up to Rifle to spend the day with our cousins sledding and traipsing in the snow. Christmas night often ended back at home or at Bills mom's home.

So what's the big deal? Reflecting on this I remember how much fun I had with all the cousins, how loved I felt by all the family. When did this change to dread? At some point, most likely those unbearable teen years, I was forced to continue in the routine and it all just became too much. I began to despise being yanked from one home to another.

And this has continued now that I am grown up with a family of my own. Every year for the past 12 years we have been pulled out of our home in the early hours of Christmas day to go somewhere and do something with someone else, and I felt I had no choice in the matter. I think that is key, choice...

Just yesterday I discovered the other deeply seeded cause to my holiday anxiety, gift giving. This has stressed me out every year, and I didn't know how to put words to it, so I just attributed it to not liking Christmas being commercialized. And maybe I don't like that, but it isn't the cause of all this anxiety, and it wasn't until I saw the same trait in my son that I could put words to it myself.

Brian and I always let the kids decide on a gift they would like to get each of us, and Maddox is finally old enough to make this decision with little to no guidance from us. When asked what he wanted to get Madison, Dad, and Mom, he started to panic and get frustrated and cranky, finally just throwing his hands into the air as if to say "I give up". At that precise moment realization was birthed in me... that's exactly how I feel... I get completely overwhelmed when it comes to picking gifts for my family and friends.

But why?

How can a material gift even begin to communicate how important a person is in your life and how much you appreciate them? It can't... but I want each and every gift to do just that, to be absolutely perfect, one that caters to the likes and interests of the person, one that is so special that the gift is no longer the physical item but literally how much thought was put behind it. It may come as a surprise to discover that I never seem to find that perfect gift, nothing is ever good enough, and that brings me great distress.

This year I have had much more difficulty in putting on the pretty face of a mom who loves the holidays, and have had a few complete freak outs. The guilt that comes with these is almost unbearable. I do not want my kids to come to hate the holidays because their mother is a complete wreck, so something has gotta give... I've gotta make a change.

Knowing and being able to put words to what causes my anxiety has already helped me. I think that I can let myself off the hook, and begin to see that no matter what the gift, it's just a little piece to let them know that they are an important part of my life.

As for my second issue: This year I was given the choice of what to do and where to go for Christmas. Knowing that I wasn't expected to parade all over town, hop from one house to another, made the thought of doing just that completely bearable. I was able to rationalize beyond myself and see that maybe I could do what I have come to hate, IF my kids enjoy it. But in the end I am getting what I have always wanted, Christmas at my own home, for the entire day. Maybe next year I can choose to go.

I know that untying the bahumbug knot, retraining my emotions and feelings, will be a process, and it is not likely to be easy. But it is time to let it go, it is time to appreciate, and truly celebrate Christmas.

Learned: Getting older is inevitable, but growing up is a choice; a choice to seize positive change, even when it hurts, even when it is difficult... change that sacrifices the selfish nature of youth for the altruistic embrace of maturity.

Brooke's Terrible Horrible No Good Verry Bad Day

One of my favorite books as a kid was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. I can’t really say why, maybe it was the repetitive nature of saying “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day”, or maybe it extends much deeper into my psyche, my predisposition towards negativity. I don’t know, but regardless this book has stuck with me. I quote it often when my students say “I’m just having a bad day”, telling them “some days are like that, even in Australia.”

So when I am having a bad day I often equate it to Alexander’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, (see) and yesterday was one of those days.

Brooke’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day…

I woke up with sleep in my eyes, and I’m sure a few more wrinkles; staring at the mirror my reflection told me to just hop back in bed, today was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I tried to find clothes to wear though my bloated belly would not tolerate restricting jeans, so instead I opted for my silky dress. I figured that if today was going to be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I might as well feel like I was wearing my pajamas.

Mother Nature gave me her gift, for which I was completely unprepared. I tried to make a cup of coffee, only to discover that I was also unprepared to brew. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Leaving my children with precise directions to be ready to go by 6:40, I headed to the store… to become prepared… and while I’m there I thought I’d treat myself to a lovely cup of jo… upon my ordering, I am told they are out of the white mocha that makes this coffee my delight! It was going to be a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Noticing that I still have time to get a coffee before the kids would be ready; I headed to another coffee store. While on rout, my husband called to inform me that today is the day for my son to bring snack to school. Why couldn’t I have known this while at the first store. It was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Fortunately I could go to the other grocery store and get the snack AND a coffee. But when I went in, the snack I wanted couldn’t be found. To make matters worse two jerks thought it would fun to make obnoxious comments in an attempt to hit on me. I had to settle for a less than superior snack. And because it was turning out to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I ordered a venti (that’s large) extra shot Americano WITH the white mocha.

Making my way back to get the kids, at least they were ready, we were not running too terribly late. I get a phone call, informing me that in fact I am a looser, and didn’t get an “invitation”. I drop Maddox off hand him his snack to which he refuses to take, because it is not his snack day. Now who do I believe my 5 year old, or my husband who never forgets a date. Upon further resistance, I throw the snack back in the car and leave my son at his grandma’s gate, open mouth crying, and drive away. Yep, it is definitely a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The short drive to work is bombarded with phone calls from my crying son, and confused husband, which turns out to be more than I can handle. And the flood gates open, I begin to sob. Pulling into the lot, tears gushing, I try to hold them in but it’s the equivalent of damning Niagara Falls. It’s a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Finally I drag myself across the freezing wasteland of a parking lot, soggy tissues in hand, and miraculously I make it before the bell rings. Plopping in front of my computer, I find an email that states I have used my overdraft protection, meaning there are insufficient funds in my bank account. I can hardly believe this, wasn’t it yesterday that I checked the account balance and had over $800 in there? I really should have stayed in bed; it’s a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The next email I read is from my mother, she is putting a special memory book together for my brother’s 30th birthday. She wants friends and family to write back to her memories, messages, and pictures that we have of him. Which makes me think back to my 30th birthday, where the only good part was being with my husband and dear friends Vycci and Danny, but the rest was a complete disappointment. Then I think that nobody put together a memory book for me, nobody told me how great I was on my 30th birthday, nobody collected great and funny stories about me and gave me a special book on my 30th birthday. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day 30 birthday and so was today.

I then get a phone call from Maddox’s teacher, stating that today is, in fact, NOT his snack day. Turns out my son was right, let the guilt flood in again…. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I, miraculously, make it through 4 middle school classes with minimal damage to their emotional and intellectual wellbeing. While driving home I begin to ponder what exactly I might have to contribute to my brother’s memory book, and came to the realization, that I have nothing to offer. I have plenty of stories of how much we fought, how much he annoyed me, how much I was mean to him, but who really wants to read about that in their super special memory book… I am faced with the reality on this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, that I am indeed a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad sister!

After dragging myself on a run with Anne (where we only had to stop once because I was crying), I began to feel mildly better. It’s true that running is my therapy, pounding out my issues on the pavement, while inhaling fresh air and absorbing some natural vitamin D, helps me gain perspective, creates some distance between the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and the reality that some days are like that… even in Australia.

Learned: I am so glad that a run, the strong embrace of my husband, and a good nights sleep brings about a better morning, that I can look back at yesterday and be thankful that it is now over, that I have people who take me as I am, even on the bad day, and still love me.

Parenting is Tough

Today has been one of the most difficult days I have ever had as a parent, one of those that makes me go "God what were you thinking when you decided to give me kids."

First there is Maddox's stunt... Madison had just cleaned her room, and it was spotless, I checked. While Maddox was supposed to be resting in his room he apparently had better plans. . . he went into his sister's room and completely destroyed it. The strung all her clothes from the hamper across the floor, threw shoes out of the closet, pulled books off the shelves, unmade her bed, and cleared her night stand onto the floor. I was only later alerted to this when Madison went to her room and shrieked "Maddox! Did you do this to my room." His reply was a nonchalant shrug...

...my reply was a bit more, shall we say colorful. In the end he cleaned it all up, and apologized. His only explanation for why. . . "Sister is always mean to me."
This is true, and while I originally thought he was being vindictive, I have come to think that he is just a 5 year old boy who loves his sister beyond words, and is extremely frustrated with how she treats him. He, being quite witty, chose the one thing that would get her in the most trouble. He knows that she has to have her room clean to go to a friends, and that she told both her dad and I that it was clean, so it would have been a double whammy! Not doing her chores AND lieing.

I have to say that Madison was pretty sweet about it all, I had called her in to tell her brother exactly what needed put where and she kept trying to go easy on him. When he had finished, and had given her is tearful, heartbreaking apology, she took him by the hand and they went to pray together and ask God to forgive him too. This about broke my heart.

My second episode came just a few short hours later... Madison and her buddy had worked hard all day getting Madison's required cores done, so she could go spend the night. When the mom came to pick them up, I was reminded that I needed her to come home by a certain time the next day. Madison's whole affect dropped into pouty teenager. {the first mistake} Then I found out the girls had been planning to go over and do chores and get paid and go shopping. The problem with this second part is quite complex... we don't pay for chores, they are a responsibility as a member of the family, AND I had just taken the dynamic duo shopping the night before. But the biggest issue was the part where their whole agenda was kept secretive, Madison knew I wouldn't be ok with it so she didn't bother to tell me.

Consequence... no sleep over. This was a particularly difficult consequence for me to dole out as it had the potential to cause some tension and conflict, after all Madison's punishment doesn't just impact her.

And because the sky opened up today and decided to dump a bunch of s*** on me, this one little decision to not be upfront has done just that... tension and conflict has sprouted up in my friendship with this mom {who is a really good friend}, taking hold and settling in my stomach, I feel like vomiting {I don't like conflict AT ALL}.

The really ironic thing about this is Allison just blogged this about parenting, how we all have different parenting styles, and we should have a little more trust in our fellow humans. And since I am a big girl now I will need to buck up and handle this conflict rationally, sans emotions. Because, while my friendships are so important to me, my husband's opinion and support for how we parent is the only opinion I need to value.


Learned: In the midst of all this I really only needed to know that I had done what B thought to be right, as soon as he said he supported it it made the rest bearable.

You Had Me at "Algorithm"

When I opened my browser today, there was an article titled An Israeli Algorithm Sheds Light On the Bible. Well since it was about an algorithm {math} and the Bible, I was intrigued...

The short of it is this algorithm has been applied to texts and it can sort out different authors. For example they took two books of the Bible that are know to be written by different authors, condescend them into one, and it sorted them out almost perfectly. The probable controversy of this comes when they apply it to the first five books of the bible, the books of Moses, that were supposedly spoken by God and transcribed by Moses, but the algorithm shows different authors. For me personally this is not foundational faith shattering, even the Jewish creators of the algorithm said that it is not beyond God to speak in different voices.

I am pretty intrigued with the application of the algorithm on other texts or uses. They discussed how it could be used in law enforcement to identify suspects, and businesses to create seamless written documents where there are multiple contributors. Even another tool to detect plagiarism in colleges.

Learned: I am continually amazed at math, at its applications, and how amazingly brilliant people are to come up with stuff like this.

In All My {unedited} Glory...

If you have ever paid any attention to the blogs I follow over there on the right hand side of you screen... you will notice Skinny Runner. (I obviously follow her because she is the ambitious runner I would love to be if I had no children, and lived in a more moderate climate, with several hours a day to commit to running). But the other day she posted about a devotional she was reading and quoted this:

Today it is easier than ever to create an image of yourself that seems much cooler than you really are. All you have to do is post a few good pictures, a couple choice status updates and announce a handful of key connections on your Facebook profile and you can instantly appear as your best version of yourself.

I think I am pretty good about being transparent here. I mean this blog is more for me to reflect on my life, than it is about notoriety; and there is not a person out there that can say that everything in their life is always bliss.

So, I felt challenged to go completely unedited {though my mom thought I hadn't really done anything except learn to photo shop}.

Here is before:


and after:


And because I am being completely open and unedited: my room on a daily basis does not look like either the before or the after, but somewhere closer to the later {maybe a bit more laundry to put away, and the bed's not made}.

As I tackled this project I couldn't help but wonder "How in the world did it get this way!" My explanation... the last month of my life has been crazy busy... no change that insanely busy! Soccer has consumed every weekend, the weeks have been full of practices (T-ball and soccer), and the school year didn't come to a gradual end but was full speed ahead until I officially checked out for the summer. This means that I have had no time to do laundry, or even unpack and put luggage away.

This is not an excuse but just a fact of life, a life that Brian and I have chosen for us and our family. We are parents who believe it is extremely important to provide opportunities for our children to be involved and active, and encourage them to try new things, even to the detriment of our social lives {but not to the detriment of our marriage, mind you}. In order to do this it requires sacrifices, maybe the laundry doesn't get done every Monday, maybe the floors get neglected for a week, maybe our house becomes the pit-stop between laps and my room becomes the holding tank...

... but if I had to choose between a spotless home and this life we have... well I think you know what choice I would make.

Putting All the Books in the Bag...A Tale of How My Husband 'Gets" Me

About 11 years ago I was returning to college after having Madison. It was Sunday night and I was a hurricane of emotions. Excited to get back into an intellectually stimulating environment, nervous about leaving my baby, dealing with my social anxiety issues, worried about finding the right classroom and being on time, along with all the typical first day jitters.

So here I sat in the middle of the bedroom floor, a complete wreck, trying to cram ALL of my textbooks, notebooks, binders, pencils, highlighters, and a slue of other necessities, into my rather small backpack. Through my tears and sobs (really it was panicked screeching) I unload my misery on Brian "It won't all fit! It is SO heavy! How am I going to carry this around all day?" and on, and on, and on I went. Finally when I stopped to catch my breath Brian (quite calmly and rationally) asks me "Do you need ALL those books for class tomorrow?"

...It turns out I didn't... problem solved. (yes I can, and we do, laugh about it now)

But this incident really shows me a strong part of my personality. First, I am capable of feeling a lot of emotions all at the same time, and when I do I rarely am able to put words to what is the underlying issue, what is truly wrong. When I get stressed I see every. minute. speck. that is contributing to my stress, and that speck feels just a burdensome as the huge elephant. I am no longer able to delineate and prioritize; and feel that in order to fix any of it I have to fix all of it right now. I don't realize that I only have half of my classes to worry about the next day, so I don't need to take ALL the books.

This incident has also been a great tool for Brian to use to diffuse me when I get like that, because 11 years later I still do this.

Take tonight for example: I only have one more day of work and about 20 days worth of work to do in it - I'll spare you the complaining, but it entails having to move my whole classroom, and a last minute project initiated by my AP. Then add the stress of budget cuts and the uncertainty of any one's position for next year or future years, the stress of preparing for a last minute trip to Denver, finding clothing for my kids to wear in my brother's wedding, all our summer trips/tournaments/camps, possibly selling the house, Maddox starting kindergarten and the need to move to Palisade... and.... and........ and.........

You get the picture. As I am unloading all this on Brian, he just looks at me and says "Your putting ALL your books in the backpack again." and the building storm was calmed. I was able to put the majority of that list to the back of my mind and focus on what had to be dealt with right that minute. (It's only taken 11 years to get this far, but at least I am making progress!)

Learned: I am so thankful to have a husband that is patient with me, and knows how to help me.

Learned 2: I am not really sure what to do with this awareness of this personality trait, but I guess awareness is the first phase.

Conflicted

Today I woke to the news that America's greatest emeny, Osama bin Laden, was killed, and I feel the complete contrary to what I expected to feel. I expected to feel elated, jubilant, at ease, celebratory, but I don't.

I am so proud of the navy SEALs that accomplished this mission and the countless other soldiers that fought, and even died, in this war on terrorism. I am proud of the intelligence task force of the United States, I am even proud of our president in making the call to initiate the mission. I am so happy, and personally thankful, for the closure that many families and friends are feeling today, those that were and will continue to be impacted by the World Trade Center bombings.

Osama bin Laden was a bad, evil, man whose desire was to kill innocent people out of his own hatred and intolerance. I believe justice, if it can be called that, was served in some form today.

So why do I feel conflicted? Why am I not among those celebrating and cheering his death, and instead feel a heaviness of heart? It makes me feel so unpatriotic, so insensitive to all those that lost their lives due to his plotting.

The only explanation is this... I believe God is sad, I believe that God loved bin Laden, and never gave up on him, I believe that God's heart is grieved by the loss of a child for all of eternity; for I do not believe that bin Laden will be a person we meet in Heaven, and I can't say this disappoints me. I just can't bring my self to rejoice in anyone's complete and eternal separation from God, that is what saddens me today.

In closing, a friend posted this quote on fb, and it gave words to what my heart is feeling...

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
MLK Jr.


Learned: "how I respond to the death of my enemies says as much about me as it does about my enemies"

edit: the quote in the original post was a partial false quote, that included the beginning "I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy." This was not said by MLK, but the remaining quote is his, taken from a 1957 sermon he gave on loving your enemies. This does not change the sentiment of my post as it is the true part of that quote that resonated with me the most.

R.E.S.T. (and an admittance of how shallow I really am)

Well after being a big baby last weekend, Brian drug me to the foot specialist. The good news is I do not have a stress fracture...the bad news is I have tendinitis of the peroneus longus tendon and it takes 3-6 months to heal. There is a small, small, chance I will still be able to run the Moab half marathon and it all depends on my ability to rest for 2 weeks and then runs short, very short, distances gradually building up the miles... as long as there is no pain.


Well that is all fine and dandy except I have this mental issue with no running...as soon as I haven't run for 3 days in a row I instantly gain 10 lbs and my clothes don't fit. So as you can imagine that does wonders for my mental state... then you throw in me not being able to wear high heels during the "rest" period which means I end up wearing jeans and committing a cardinal fashion sin... cute jeans and dressy tops with tennis shoes...blah!

.

So now, not only am I not running, packing on the mental pounds, getting no stress relief/decompression time, but I am also banned from looking cute! Egats! I hope I can survive another week...of rest.

(Here's to hoping that it's only one more week.)

Oh and its been one week and there is noticible improvement, but still noticible pain...especially by the end of the day.

Dear Target,

I a writing to complain about the terrible service I received at your store last night. This is what happened:

I just had to grab a couple of things and I was already annoyed because my daughter wanted this LAME looking headphones and music player set that looked like a baby bottle, and I just couldn't come to terms with buying it. So my friend, Anne and I headed to the check out stands and the store was SO busy that I thought it was Christmas time. I mean we were weaving through people and then the lines were so long. We ended up getting in line behind a friend of mine that I had not seen since high school, Chantalle. She looks the same just older, as I suppose I do too. But what shocked me the most was here total lack of fashion sense! She used to dress so cute and trendy, and here she is at 30 something in the middle of target wearing pattern jeans... they were a blue background with tiny little flower bouquets all over it, and it didn't stop there, she had on a matching shirt! Here in front of me stands not the friend I remember but a denim flower princess from the early 90's!

As Chantalle is finished the people behind us, who apparently know her, hand her two drinks, a new flavor Mt. Dew (the white one) and an Aquifina, to check out and she finishes. Then the lady just comes up to check out in front of Anne and I saying, "Since we are together, I don't think you will mind if I just move up here." Now remember that I am already a bit annoyed and in a hurry so I am not my usual forgiving, considerate self, so I speak up and say... "Ummm, actually I do mind, we are in a bit of a hurry." So off Chantalle goes herding her children out the door, and the lady behind me harrumphs.

Anne is quickly finished, having only a two things. Now it is my turn. I set all my stuff down, and the cashier, I mean Sales Associate, who heard the whole exchange about us being in a hurry just ups and leaves with her trash can. Sauntering slowly to the larger trash receptacle, taking her time emptying and making sure to converse with her coworkers on the way back. During this whole exchange I am looking around fuming, trying to find a different line to join, but they are all several deep. I also notice the lady who tried to cut in front of us is in the next lane and already paying and heading out the door!!! Now I am beyond fuming!!!

The sales associate, then slowly starts ringing my stuff up, taking her time, talking to her co workers. Finally I can't stand it anymore and I ask her, "Excuse me, did you not hear my earlier confrontation, I am in a hurry, could you please go faster." Now she gets an attitude, and welcomes me to join a different line, of course they are all full now, which I dutifully point out to her. She then consults a fellow sales associate who recommends that she take a moment to "step out", which apparently means she steps out of the cash register area to take a minute and calm down. I guess I have been so rude that now I have upset her!!! So she stands there just looking at me with malicious thoughts, almost like... "ha ha ha, how is your hurry now... I have got the power now lady." Finally I can't stand it any more so I request to see a manager. Instead they call up the sheriff, who ends up being the husband of my eye doctor. I try to politely tell him that we are having a confrontation, and I am in a hurry. He tries to be the good guy to both of us, which only frustrates me more... because OBVIOUSLY I am in the right! Through his mediation attempts I only get more pissed, and finally storm out of the store buying nothing.

Anne and our kids had left ahead of me to get loaded in the car, so I begin searching the parking lot...

Then I hear "Beep! Beep! Beep!" thinking it is a car backing up I frantically search around to avoid being flattened, but it doesn't stop, this annoying beeping continues. Then I look over my shoulder, it is quite cloudy, and fuzzy around the edges and I see a glowing blob and as my eyes focus better I see a 5:45 in the center of the glowing blob, and the beeping seems to be coming from that direction...

Learned: Brian is just thankful that I had this dream about Target and not him... He is usually the one I wake up pissed at after a vivid confrontational dream.

ALSO NOTE: Even though it was a dream I am still pissed at Target, and pretty sure I will be boycotting it for a while... (till I need something there).

Stressing

Ok... so I am completely stressing right now... Brian and I have got the ball rolling on finding a new house in Palisade (this has been our long term plan for ever), but now that we are getting stuff going and not just talking about it I am stressing out.

I don't think it is the change so much as the uncertainty of it all... and then I start seeing EVERY! LITTLE! THING! that needs to be done in our house before it is ready to sell...and then I start thinking about how hard it is going to be to keep our house in "showing" condition with 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 parents with more than full time jobs, soccer 3 nights a week, and soccer games in Denver for the next 5 weekends!

AHHHHH! I just start to self destruct -- literally! My brain quits forming coherent thoughts and plans, and I start swimming in circles like a fish with whirling disease, going no where and expending a lot of energy doing nothing, all the while being swept away by the current....

AND THEN... I remember that God is GOD, and that is all that really matters, this life is but a vapor, and all these decisions that I think are oh so important have little weight on eternity. I remember that God gives peace that passes all understanding (thankfully because I have little of it now with my whirling disease), and I remember that in all things God is in control.... I remember that I need to let go...

AND THEN I freak out again... because I am a CONTROL FREAK, and letting go isn't easy for me...

LEARNED: It is easy for me to say I trust God, but actually doing it is the challenge? Why is that?

Remodeling The Bathroom

Over spring break I decided to remodel the bathroom. It was the only room in our house that has not undergone complete renovation... Brain pointed out to me that I always start these big projects when he is working his 12 days straight, and is unable to help. Thankfully Summer came over to help with the demolition, even though she was giving her own bathroom a face lift! Also my dad came over to help (as well he should since he was the one that suggested the project be expanded from just floor and vanity, to include the shower) It was so nice to spend a few days with my dad too!

Maddox was a good helper (most of the time), and only lost patience after 5 days.

The whole project has lasted 12 days. I started on Wednesday during break, and it was just finished last night. By the end of the first weekend we at least had a working shower so we could stop traveling to the parents in the evenings.

Currently we have a fully functional bathroom, all that needs to be done now is the baseboard, knobs, and towel hooks. But I really consider it done!

The best part of the whole thing was that it cost us less than $1000 when all was said and done!

Well.... enjoy the pics!



Learned? A project I thought would be finished in a week, but took a lot longer... reminded me I am not the best judge of how long things take....

I "Heart" Manning!

Yeah baby... Peyton Manning is headed to the Super Bowl. I couldn't be more proud of my pseudo man! After being down in the first half and being sacked a few times...I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. I know that he is a brilliant player and was confident that he would make the needed adjustments to defeat the Jets, and I was right! That will teach the Rex Ryan defence to go and blitz on P.Manning- he ate them up.

So the sad part of the whole thing is that I missed the game.... yep you heard right... I missed the game... well missed watching the game. Madison's last game of the tournament in Vegas was at the same time as the Colts game. So my fellow soccer mom friend and Peyton lover, Ari, and I sat in the car before the soccer game listening, then we decided to be good mothers and watch our daughters play (while receiving regular play off updates via my phone), then listened to the rest of the game on the drive home.

Now I REALLY want to go to the Super Bowl, but tickets range from $1800.00 to $40,000.00, then I would have to fly down there, get a hotel room, food, and all that. So if you have extra $$$ laying around I would love to take it off your hands, and take myself to the Super Bowl.

Since I know that is a long shot I will just have to have a great Super Bowl party, and settle with going to see him live next season when he plays in Denver. I guess that will do...

Learned: You just don't blitz on Manning and there are just too many options for him that you can't eliminate them all. I love watching him play, think I will watch my DVR of the game today....