Oh God, Chisel Me!

Maddox and I are so very much alike, in fact I've learned so much about what I need by being his mother. On more than one occasion I have seen him exhibit a behavior or reaction and I'm like "that's exactly how I feel! Now what does he need, food? Rest? Physical activity? " Thus determining my own need based on my mothering instincts for him.

Unfortunately we also share this tendency to come unglued, this overwhelming rush of emotions that inhibit all rational thought, and our brains spin out. I despise this part of me and I am wracked with guilt seeing it surface in my child.

I was given a book, UNGLUED by Lysa Terkeurst, that delves into the very heart of this and through some comedic relief and Gods word guides towards "making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions". To be completely honest this book was difficult and overwhelming- and oh so good- on one hand I wanted to devour the words from cover to cover, on the other I wanted to meditate, chew on, and practice. I ended up setting it aside for a few months, unfinished. Just this week it made its way to the surface of my reading pile, just when I was ready and in need of it again.

After skimming the first 40 pages and my personal reflections scrawled across the margins, I began to meditate on the section "Unfinished Sculptures"and how what she shares here speaks to my heart, and would also speak to Maddox's. The teacher in me began to find a way to share this with my son in a way that would engage him.

Thank God for Google! I had images of the statue of David, blocks of marble, and the Unfinished sculptures that are at the heart of this lesson. (Ideally I would have a block of foam for him to create a sculpture with at the end...)

We started with The David, discussing this masterpiece, said to be sculpture perfection, we talked about how long it took Michelangelo, and that for the duration he never left the sculptures side.

Then I showed him the blocks of marble similar to the piece that The David had emerged from. We discussed how and what tools Michelangelo would have used.

 Then, the key point: it is said that when asked how he created this perfection, Michelangelo replied that he just chiseled away the parts that didn't look like David.

This is what God is doing with us, chiseling away the pieces that don't look like us. I asked Maddox if we were the finished perfection like The David, and he said "No, Gods still chiseling." (Love this boy) then I showed him the Unfinished Sculptures, this is where we are, still being molded and chiseled into what and who God wants us to be. When we come into difficult or trying situations, God is using them to chisel away the parts of stone that don't look like us. When we feel ourselves becoming UNGLUED, God is showing us an area that needs chiseled.

Then I asked how long he thought it would take for us to become sculpture perfection like The David, two years of constant attention? Less? More? He pondered for a moment and when he spoke, his response showed great wisdom, "I don't think we will ever be perfect, mom. I think that there will probably always be something that needs to be chiseled." WOW!!! I am still, even after writing this, in awe and wonder at the perspective of his words.

He didn't stop there, he went on to tell me how this reminded him of what his grandma told him, that he is God designed, purpose intended, significant, lavishly loved, prince, son of the King of the universe.

He had lots of questions, I suppose they are the same questions we all have: What is he designing me to do? What purpose has he intended for me? How will I know?

In the end we agreed that we would trust what God says about us, choose to walk in love, and continue to pray "Oh God, chisel me!"

I Just Wanna Skip the "Practice" Part!

I have been reading the book Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions.  I am highly emotional, and not in a good way, I allow emotions to dictate a lot of my life.  I don't want to be emotionally ruled any more, so hence the book....

One of the very first things Lisa (the author) makes clear is that you need to accept the fact that change will not happen over night, and that change won't even be linear, instead we need to come to face the reality that progress is progress, even imperfect progress, and be glad of it. 

I am trying to remind myself of this right now as it seems that I am being given a plethora, over abundance, of opportunities to practice what I am learning.  But I am failing miserably, and don't see the progress.  Maybe my progress is the inner progress.... I may not be showing outwardly a different reaction, but I do hear my inner voice queuing me... "reply vs. react"  "perspective" and "is this an issue I will care about tomorrow or in 4 months?" 

So maybe I am making progress.... but I don't like this at all!  It seems that my life has become one big arena for me to practice taking control of my emotions- which means I am being bombarded with irritant after irritant and I can't seem to catch my breath!

The truth of the matter is that I just want the results, so let's just skip to that part of the process.

REALITY CHECK! 

I know this is ridiculous, as a runner I know that I can't increase distance or pace without putting in the effort.  I know as a teacher that my students won't know the material unless they put in the time doing the work.  I know as a wife, that my marriage wont grow unless WE put effort into it.

Knowing and demonstrating that knowledge are two different things.

I know all of this, and I know that I don't want to be ruled by emotions, but it is painfully exhausting living in the practice phase.  This is precisely why most people don't choose change, change is uncomfortable, change is hard..... change  takes us through a process.  The key here is through, I am not meant to be stuck in the middle place called "practice", just as the Jews were not meant to be stuck in the wilderness on their way to the promise land. 

I'm at the Red Sea, and Pharaoh's army is closing in, at this moment, I have a choice to continue through to the promise land or give up and return to be a slave of my emotions. 

Kings and Elections

As I picked my Bible up this week, the bookmarks still at the beginning of 2 Kings where I last left off (in February), I thought it only fitting that I would be reading about the kings of Israel and Judah as this week was election week for the United States of America.   As in every election there is political drama, and this election was no different.  It was easy to allow myself to get caught up in the drama, and even allow fear, panic, and anger to take root.

This week while looking back through 1st Kings, I saw that Israel had its overwhelming share of terrible, ungodly, and even evil rulers, and God was there with His people.  Just as God is with me in the midst of this countries abominable political situation. Whether Obama continues to drive our country farther and farther into debt, or IF Romney would have brought the extinction of the middle class and taken away "women's rights", my trust is NOT in man but in God who has promised to never leave or forsake me.
Rulers- they come and go as we've see through out the Bible, only God is truly constant.  Therefore, my focus is not on complaining about the politics of this country, but seeking God with my entire being,  and finding ways to love people as He loves them. 

Because in the end, that is the only thing that will matter. (1 Cor 13:13 Psalm 94:14)

Life's Calling

Contemplating life's calling. . . 

Some days it would be easier to believe that we are not meant to do the things we have been called to do, for then we could abandon with no consequence. 

But when you know that what you are doing is EXACTLY what you were meant for, the cost of persevering is miniscule to the cost of quitting.

Prayers of a 6 Year Old Boy

Dear God,
I pray that my mom feels better soon and that my dog's farts don't stink tonight.
Amen.

(Maddox's prayer the other night).

1st Kings

This whole book is about the kings who ruled over Israel. Basically the whole lot were a disgrace and did not follow or bring honor to the God who had delivered them from Egypt and set them apart. Instead they turned to the pagan gods of the people they were supposed to drive from the land in the first place. Remember back in the earlier books when they were coming into the promise land and God said "drive out ALL the inhabitants..." and they didn't and let some of them stay entering into a treaty with them. Well surprise, surprise... God knew what he was talking about. He knew that if the original inhabitants stayed, their pagan beliefs would seep into His peoples lives and hearts causing them to sin.

What really surprised me is that Solomon, the wisest and the richest of all the Kings (some say the wisest man that ever lived), a king who lives most of his life honoring God, in the end took foreign wives who then influenced him to begin worshiping pagan gods. Because of his disobedience God said he would take the throne away from his descendants... which He did. The nation of Israel was then split, all of the tribes of Israel left with Jeroboam, and only the tribe of Judah remained in the line of David with Solomons son Rehoboam.

Jeroboam didn't want the people of Israel to return to Rehoboam for their sacrifices and trips to the temple and risk them becoming loyal once again to Rehoboam; so he crafted two golden calves and told the people of Israel that these were the gods that delivered them from Egypt, and led the whole nation of Israel away from God. A prophet from God goes and tells Jeroboam that he will be wiped from the Earth for his grievous sin. Jeroboam is paralyzed and the pagan alter crumbles before him releasing the paralysis as a sign of what the prophet said was true. God had told this prophet to not eat or drink while in the city and return home a different way than he had come. He is able to refuse Jeroboam's offer of dinner and a place to sleep. But an old prophet hears of his message and goes out to find him offering a place to eat and sleep. He refuses, but the old prophet lies saying "An angel appeared and told me to have you over for dinner." So the man listens and goes with him, of course God calls him out on it and says because he didn't listen he would not be buried in his homeland with his ancestors. The man leaves to go home and is attacked, but not eaten, by a lion on the way home. The old prophet who had tricked him goes out and finds his body with the lion still sitting next to him and the donkey.

After reading this, I realized how often we choose to listen to the world, our flesh, or even what others have said God has spoken to them, instead of what God has spoken to our hearts and in His word. Sunday at Church we had talked about how Satan uses our own doubt to get us to sin..."did God really say that, surely He didn't mean you would die..." When the reality is, God told us (fill in the blank with: love your neighbors, do not murder, respect your husband, don't have premarital sex or any other truth we choose to ignore) for a reason, and that reason was FOR OUR OWN GOOD.

See, the fundamental truth here is that GOD IS GOOD and He loves us, He is our creator; who knows better than Him what will hurt us, what will heal us, what will destroy us, what will bring us peace, than Him. Satan knew that we would become like god's knowing good and evil if Eve ate the apple and that she wouldn't die when she ate the apple, that is die as in instant death in the flesh. The problem was that we would become like gods knowing good and evil BUT unlike GOD who has no sin nature, our sin nature would not have the self control to resist the temptation of evil, and that is what brings our death, physical and spiritual.

Back to Kings: The only redeeming kings for Judah (sorry Israel doesn't have any yet) was Asa, who returns the tribe of Judah to God and removes all the pagan idols from the tribe, even removing his own grandmother from her position of honor as queen mother. After Asa's death his son, Jehoshaphat, continued ruling Judah in his father's example. Israel's kings continue in a downward spiral each doing more evil in the sight of God than the previous. Then we get to Ahab, Jezebel and Elijah. There was a constant feud between these three and to me Jezebel was the one that continually stirred the pot, causing problem after problem. Even after Elijah was taken to heaven she continued to do great evil. The book ends with the son of Ahab and Jezebel ruling as king of Israel "he served Baal and worshiped him, provoking the anger of the lord, just as his father had done."

This journey through the old testament is eye opening to the truth of God's unconditional love. My human nature can not fathom having the capacity to continually bring redemption and forgiveness, second chances, to people who continue to abandon me, blatantly choose counterfeit over real, authentic and genuine. It has been a lesson in loving others, because if God can love us through all of this, who am I to not love others?

Heaven Is For Real

Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back by Todd Burpo

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I have to admit that even though I am a Christian, I typically trod a bit sceptically when it comes to peoples accounts of heaven. Call me jaded, call me gun shy; I don't lack in faith in God, just people. But as I read, some scepticism began to fall away and I was pulled in to a beautiful revelation of Heaven.



Through out the book my heart was captivated; as a parent I ached at the thought of going through what this family had gone through with their son. As a Christian I was intrigued at the completely child like clarity this boy described Heaven, and how each of the things he shared matched perfectly with what the Bible says about Heaven, from what Jesus wore, to who sat in the throne room of God, the absence of darkness, and the melding of time past, present, and future. Time and time again this young boy astonished me (as well as his parents) about his knowledge of Heaven and the people there. I loved that his parents were hungry to know everything about heaven, as many Christians are, but they were patient.



I didn't have to read this book to believe in Heaven, or reaffirm my faith in God, but sometimes it nice to read something that sits right with your spirit, and gives you just enough to keep going in a world that continues to drift further and further from God.







View all my reviews

1 Samuel

This first book of Samuel follows the people of Israel from the birth of Samuel, the fall of Saul, and the rise of David; through out this whole time the nation of Israel are battling with the Philistines.

The first chapter begins with anguish and heartbreak... Hannah was unable to have children and was continually ridiculed by the other wives. Finally she couldn't take it anymore and cried out to God for a child, vowing to give the child to God. When Hannah gave birth to a son she named him Samuel {which sounds like the Hebrew word for "asked of God" or "heard by God". I love the how names in Hebrew have so much meaning.

Chapters 2-7 tell the story of the rise of Samuel to becoming Israel's Judge. When he is old enough Samuel goes to work in the temple with Eli. Eli is warned that his sons are committing evil and dishonoring God, but he does nothing. So God calls out to Samuel 3 times one night; he keeps thinking that it is Eli calling out to him. Finally Eli says it is God, when he calls you again tell him your servant is listening. God tells Samuel that because of Eli's sins and the sins of his sons, no sacrifice will ever redeem them, and the sons will be killed on the same day. This was interesting to me, continual blaspheme and defiling of the temple permanently removed this family from god... How do I honor God, How do I treat His temple? This comes to pass during a battle with the Philistine army, Phineas and Hophini are killed and the Arc is taken. A 98 year old blind man ran all the way from the battle to Eli to tell him of the news. I of course thought this was pretty cool! He's 98 and blind and runs for quite a distance, I don't know how far, but it says he arrived later that day. While the Arc is in the possession of the Philistines, they continue to find their gods lieing face down in front of the Arc. The city is struck with a plague, so they decide to send the Arc back with a guilt offering. Samuel then becomes judge of Israel and drives out the Philistines.

Chapters 8-13 are when Saul becomes king, but because of his disobedience his reign as king will be short. In these chapters the people of God demand a king, which breaks Samuele's heart, God tells him "they are not rejecting you they are rejecting me, they no longer want Me as their King." Samuel is shown that Saul will be king, he is tall and handsome, and again from the least family from the least tribe. To prove he is king Saul is given signs and prophecies. Saul lead a massive army to free Israel from the Amorites and with a decided victory, there is no doubt that Saul is meant to be king. Later, while fighting the Philistines, the Israeli people scatter at the sight of the Philistine's huge army. Saul is supposed to wait for Samuel to offer a sacrifice, but does not and offers his own. Because of this disobedience Saul is told that his reign will end, and a man after God's own heart will rise to be Israel's king.

The rest of 1 Samuel is a bit confusing chronologically for me; it seemed like David met Saul twice, as well as Samuel died twice... David is chosen to be king by Samuel and goes and plays music and serves Saul. Then there is the story of the bravery of David facing Goliath. We all have heard this story, but what struck me reading it this time was that David was so outraged at the blasphemy coming from Goliath that he takes the challenge, knocking him out with a stone then cutting off his head. David goes to live with Saul (see he meets him twice). For the remainder of the book Saul waffles between loving David and wanting to kill him, and David running around the wilderness freeing Israel from oppression and hiding for his life. David is given 2 chances to kill Saul, but each time spares his life, and Saul repents for trying to kill David, but then resumes his jealousy and begins to hunt David again.

In the final battle of the book against the Philistines Saul and his remaining 3 sons are killed. Saul is fatally wounded and in order to keep from being captured and tortured by the Philistines he falls on his own sword.

It saddened me that King Saul was so overcome with jealousy for David that it really corrupted and consumed him. He was even confronted by David who told him, Who am I that a king spends all these resources on finding and killing one man... It makes me think about how much I let other people get to me. Maybe they are complete strangers that just do stupid stuff and it annoys me, or an acquaintance that drives me to speak judgemental and harsh, or a friend that wounds me deeply. The truth in all of this is that humans are just that, human, fallen, corrupt with sin, only redeemed by Jesus. Even though we are redeemed, we have to continually work to not indulge our sinful nature. Only in God can I place full confidence, knowing He will never let me down. Knowing this to be true doesn't make it any easier to act upon, after all our only experience is that of being human...

Ruth

This book was delightful and refreshing after reading the previous books of the Bible. Up until now I just felt that things were so bogged down and dreary, time and time again God's people are doubting, disobeying, and turning to other gods; they become enslaved, then God rescues them. While comforting in the redeeming nature of our God, it was disheartening in the fallen nature of man. Finally in Ruth we meet some honorable people who love God and do right.

I have always {well as long as I can remember} known the story of Ruth. As a kid my grandma Ruth had this picture on her wall of Ruth harvesting the grain, so she told us the story of this faithful woman and how God blessed her even though she wasn't an Israeli.

Ruth wasn't the only honorable person in this book, Naomi her mother-in-law was also honorable, she still cared for Ruth after her son had died, then when she decided to go to her home land she released Ruth to go back to her people rather than to travel to a land of strangers. Also Boaz, a relative of Naomi's, allowed Ruth to gather the grain the harvesters missed, even telling them to purposely drop some of the grain stalks. He knew that the responsibility fell to the family to care for Ruth and Naomi since the men had died, but he wasn't first in line to buy Naomi's land and marry Ruth. So he went to the man that was, and in the presence of town officials Boaz was given the right to buy the land and mary Ruth.

God not only blessed Ruth by providing food, land, and a husband for her but he blessed her decendants. From Ruth and Boaz eventually came David and from David eventually came Jesus.

Learned: God uses and blesses whoever is willing and obedient, even in the times of the Bible, He used a Moabite -not a Jew- as the lineage to bring His sone into the world.

You Had Me at "Algorithm"

When I opened my browser today, there was an article titled An Israeli Algorithm Sheds Light On the Bible. Well since it was about an algorithm {math} and the Bible, I was intrigued...

The short of it is this algorithm has been applied to texts and it can sort out different authors. For example they took two books of the Bible that are know to be written by different authors, condescend them into one, and it sorted them out almost perfectly. The probable controversy of this comes when they apply it to the first five books of the bible, the books of Moses, that were supposedly spoken by God and transcribed by Moses, but the algorithm shows different authors. For me personally this is not foundational faith shattering, even the Jewish creators of the algorithm said that it is not beyond God to speak in different voices.

I am pretty intrigued with the application of the algorithm on other texts or uses. They discussed how it could be used in law enforcement to identify suspects, and businesses to create seamless written documents where there are multiple contributors. Even another tool to detect plagiarism in colleges.

Learned: I am continually amazed at math, at its applications, and how amazingly brilliant people are to come up with stuff like this.

Judges

The book of Judges is all about the people that God called to deliver the Israelites out of oppression. From my {very limited} understanding this covers a time period of the first few hundred years after the Israelites had taken over the promise land.

Remember back in Joshua, when they were conquering the land, and God said to drive out ALL the inhabitants, but they didn't... well this book is pretty much the result of them not doing that. In the first chapter, God tells his people that because they disobeyed him by not driving out the inhabitants, he would no longer drive them out for them, they would be thorns in their flesh.

Basically this is the cycle: The Israeli people live for and love God for a while, but eventually turn away from him and begin worshiping the gods of those original inhabitants, because they disobey God, they are turned over into slavery and are oppressed by other nations (remember Deut. 28), then they repent and God chooses one of his people to deliver them and restore them, they live happily ever after... at least for a few years, then again are enticed away from the one true God. This happened again and again... just going back and counting I quickly saw 11 or 12 judges! How patient and steadfast is our God to do this time and time again.?

One thing that stood out to me was who God chose to rise up and deliver his people. Many times it was the most unassuming people; Gideon was said to be the least person from the least tribe, Deborah was a woman- this was the first I had heard of a woman leading Gods people, and Jepthah who was a great warrior, but because his mother was a prostitute he was viewed as worthless by his own brothers. This really isn't surprising to me, as God sees people so differently than we see them, and by using someone the world deems weak it proves all the more how powerful God is, bringing him more glory. For the past few months it has been heavy on my heart to not judge others, and really try to see people as God sees them, to love them where they are at and who they are now, not conditionally.

Another thing that stood out to me was the book was quite gory!! {don't read on if you have a weak stomach} One of the first judges, Ehud, kills the king with a dagger, but the king is so fat that the dagger completely disappears in him and his guts fall out on the floor. When Deborah is judge, the commander flees and hides in a tent, but when he falls asleep, the woman of the tent drives a tent stake through his skull and into the ground. I was pretty grossed out several times while reading this book.

I really liked the story of Gideon, the lease from the least. Gideon was called to deliver the people but he was so unsure of himself, so he laid out the fleece to get a sign from God, and two different nights God proved himself to him. When Gideon rounded up the troops he had too many and people would say it was the huge army that had won the victory so God had him filter men out. The final filter was to have men drink from a spring, those who cup the water with the hands and lap it like a dog in one group, and those who kneel and drink from the water with their mouths in another group. 300 of the men drank with their hands and this is the group God used to deliver Israel from their oppressors. Again Gideon was doubtful so God told him to go into the camp and listen, there he overheard men discussing a dream and its interpretation which was that Gideon would have the victory. Gideon and his men surrounded the camp at night and blew their horns and raised their torches and swords, and the enemy was is such confusion they fought and killed each other. After defeating the enemies and delivering his people, they wanted Gideon and his future descendants to be their king, but he said he would not rule over them, that God would. I just felt like Gideon was a gentle meek soul and God treated him so tenderly, supporting his insecurities and doubt.

The most upsetting story for me was the one of Samson. I just felt like he was boastful, proud and arrogant... and stupid! Delilah THREE different times tried to get the secret to his strength from him, three different times he told her a lie then awoke to find she had attempted to use that to take away his strength and turn him over to the Philistines. After she had done this 3 times, he gives in and tells her the truth of his strength {his hair} so he awakes with his hair cut and no strength and is captured. In his despair he gouges out his own eyes {again gory}. I guess he gets some revenge because after his hair grows back in he knocks down the Philistine temple killing himself and more people with this act than he had his entire life.

After several cycles of judges I was thinking enough is enough! and in chapter 10 God does too, telling his people no, I won't rescue you anymore. But the people still serve him anyway. After some time of obedience God raises up another judge, Jeptha, the prostitutes son. The only sense I can make of God continuing to help his people is to look at myself as a mother, though my children often make me angry, or disobey, there is not a single thing that they could do to change my love for them. I do think that there would be a point where I could say, no I am not rescuing you any more, but if they were able to show that they were making better choices and making a change in themselves, I would again open my arms to support them. And because God's love is so much more infinite and unending than mine it really isn't hard to believe and even understand how he can continue to rescue his people.

Learned: How thankful I am that my God loves with out end, his patience and mercy endure for ever.

Joshua

The book of Joshua picks up after Moses has died in Deuteronomy, and Joshua becomes his successor to lead Gods people into the land and driving out the inhabitants. It covers a pretty long time period as the Israelies have to drive out many different people, then divides the conquered land among the different tribes. When Joshua dies {at the conclusion of the book} most of the inhabitants have been driven from the land, and Joseph's bones have finally been laid to rest in the land God had promised him many generations ago.

A few things that really stood out to me in this book:

In the very first chapter God tells his people to "be strong and courageous" 3 different times in 3 verses{vs.6-9}. , This was just another reminder to me of how fickle our nature is...These people have just experienced 40 years of daily miracles in the wilderness, they know that God is on there side, and yet He has to remind them 3 times in as many sentences to be strong and courageous as they take over the land that God had promised them. But, how true is this of me? How often have I seen and experienced God's favor, power, or mercy, in one area of my life, but then doubted him to take care of another area of my life? Also in these verses He tells them to meditate day and night over everything in the book of instruction Moses had written, then they would prosper and succeed in all they did. Again God is urging His people to constantly remember His covenant with them. God {obviously} knows what will happen in Judges and through out the old testament, to that His people will forget about their covenant, and turn to other gods.

Joshua is the home of another famous children's bible story, when Joshua marched around the walls of Jericho, and the walls came tumbling down. {Love that Veggie Tale episode!}

The instructions God had given His people had been to make no treaty with any of the people in the land they were taking over, but in chapter 9 they do just this. Some of the people in the land had heard about the overwhelming victory of the people of Israel, and feared for themselves. So one group sent a group of ambassadors all dressed in old, dirty, worn out clothes with moldy bread and broken wine skins. They came to the Israelites and said they were from a far of land, {see how old our food and worn our clothes are} and wanted to make a treaty with them. The key in this chapter is that Gods people did not consult Him before they made this treaty, and in the end were deceived. Because a treaty, a commitment, your word, actually meant something in those days, the Israelite people were bound to honor this treaty which means this group of people were allowed to stay in the land. This ends up playing a huge part in Israels future broken covenant with God. My self reflection on this... how many decision do I enter in to with out consulting God, with out praying about it first?

The final chapter is basically Joshua's final words to the people, and a renewing of the covenant. It's a reminder of what they have been through, and they are told "choose this day whom you will serve, but as for me and my house we will serve the lord" {vs. 15}, and Israel chooses to serve God.

Learned: Joshua was a book full of foreshadowing, cliff hangers, and beautiful resolution, all the makings of a great book.

Deuteronomy

It has taken me a while to finish up Deuteronomy, but alas it has drawn to a close. Deuteronomy is the final leg of Israels journey to the promise land, and the final instructions of the covenant between God and Israel, and the death of Moses.

The overwhelming message of Deuteronomy is OBEY. God outlines how to worship Him and treat others, the festivals to observe and why, harvesting, tithing, debts, and slaves. God clearly explains the blessings that will come for obedience as well as the curses for disobedience.

As I reflect on what I read there is a whole lot to chew on, and at first it seems disjointed...

All the festivals (well not all, but 3 of the 7) that God wanted His children to observe... Passover and the Festival of Unleavened Bread was to be observed yearly so they would remember the saving of their first born sons and their flight out of Egypt. The Festival of Harvest was to be celebrated 7 weeks after the first harvest as a way to remember and thank God for the bounty of the crops. The Festival of Shelters was to be celebrated at the end of the harvest "after the grain has been threshed and the grapes have been pressed", it was to be a happy time of celebration, for "it is He who blesses you with bountiful harvests and gives you success in all your work." These festivals were a call to remember and thank God, as well as remember where you had come from.

Deuteronomy 28... I had only known this chapter for the proclamation of blessings, but the whole second half (or more) of this chapter spells out the curses of disobedience. Just before I read this chapter, I happened to be reading Jesus Wants to Save Christians, and Rob Bell gives a brief synopsis of the rise of King Solomon and how Solomon begins dishonoring the covenant with God, and then what happens to the nation of Israel because of this disobedience. Now turn back to the second half of Deut. 28, de ja vu...everything that I just read was foretold "you will attack enemies in one directions, but you will scatter from them in seven." The Lord will exile you and your king to a nation unknown to you and your ancestors. There in exile you will worship gods of wood and stone."

Now I am not surprised that God could foretell this, it's just amazing to me that I happened to read about this event taking place before I read its foretelling... it made so much more sense to me... And it brings all of Deuteronomy together. Here God is telling His people again and again to remember and obey. He has them observe festivals yearly as a way to continually remember what He has done for them, where they came from. Having read the Solomon part first, it brought a whole new tone to this reoccurring theme of obey; instead of hearing the dictatorship tone of "you must obey!" I could hear the heartbreaking tone of a God that so loves His people and is pleading with them to just obey, take heed, listen, to not loose sight of their God, even though He knows they will.

In the end, before he is shown the beauty of the land promised to his ancestors - a land he will never enter, Moses is told that Israel will take the path of disobedience, he still gives his final blessing to the people...

"There is no one like the God of Israel.
He rides across the heavens to help you,
across the skies in majestic splendor.

The eternal God is your refuge,
and his everlasting arms are under you...

How blessed you are, O Israel!
Who else is like you, a people saved by the Lord?"

Conflicted

Today I woke to the news that America's greatest emeny, Osama bin Laden, was killed, and I feel the complete contrary to what I expected to feel. I expected to feel elated, jubilant, at ease, celebratory, but I don't.

I am so proud of the navy SEALs that accomplished this mission and the countless other soldiers that fought, and even died, in this war on terrorism. I am proud of the intelligence task force of the United States, I am even proud of our president in making the call to initiate the mission. I am so happy, and personally thankful, for the closure that many families and friends are feeling today, those that were and will continue to be impacted by the World Trade Center bombings.

Osama bin Laden was a bad, evil, man whose desire was to kill innocent people out of his own hatred and intolerance. I believe justice, if it can be called that, was served in some form today.

So why do I feel conflicted? Why am I not among those celebrating and cheering his death, and instead feel a heaviness of heart? It makes me feel so unpatriotic, so insensitive to all those that lost their lives due to his plotting.

The only explanation is this... I believe God is sad, I believe that God loved bin Laden, and never gave up on him, I believe that God's heart is grieved by the loss of a child for all of eternity; for I do not believe that bin Laden will be a person we meet in Heaven, and I can't say this disappoints me. I just can't bring my self to rejoice in anyone's complete and eternal separation from God, that is what saddens me today.

In closing, a friend posted this quote on fb, and it gave words to what my heart is feeling...

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
MLK Jr.


Learned: "how I respond to the death of my enemies says as much about me as it does about my enemies"

edit: the quote in the original post was a partial false quote, that included the beginning "I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy." This was not said by MLK, but the remaining quote is his, taken from a 1957 sermon he gave on loving your enemies. This does not change the sentiment of my post as it is the true part of that quote that resonated with me the most.

The Easter Story Cookies

My mom sent me a recipe for Easter Story Cookies, cookies that you make where each step in the process represents the story of Easter, hence the name...

So the kids and I set out on our first batch:

Step one: Crushed pecans represent the beating Jesus endured after his arrest.

Step two: Vinegar, represents the sour wine Jesus was given to drink on the cross.




Step 3:Egg Whites, represent life, the life that Jesus gave for us.


Step 4: Salt, represents the tears Jesus followers shed when he died.

Step 4: Sugar, representing the sweetest part of the story; Jesus loves us and gave his life for us so that we could belong to him.


Step 5: Beat on high speed till white peaks form, representing how we are made white as snow through the sacrifice of Jesus.

Step 6: Fold in broken nuts, drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet. Each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid.

Step 7: Put in the oven and seal with tape, representing after Jesus died and his body was placed in the tomb, the tomb was sealed.

Step 8: The next morning unseal the oven and take the cookies out, and enjoy!


A special surprise is the cookies should turn out hollow, representing the empty tomb, because HE IS RISEN!

Numbers

Numbers picks up where Exodus left off, the Israelites are making their way in the wilderness. There really isn't much change in the attitudes of the people, the are still complaining, doubting, and forgetting God's promise. "We are so tired of this mana... every day its mana! We want something else" they say instead of "Thanks for providing us with a miracle every day that sustains us!" So instead of obliterating them (like I might with my own kids by this time) what does God do... he sends them quail! This just further showed me how patient and loving a God I have.

Numbers, does just that, number (count) the people of each tribe. I didn't realize how many people there were in the camp; 603,550 was the number of males 20 years or older- those of fighting age. Because there were so many people, it required a lot of organization, which God outlined through out the book of Numbers.

The most well known story of Numbers is when they finally draw near the promise land and send scouts to report on the land. All but 2 come back with a doubtful report, saying there was no way they would be able to take over the land as the inhabitants were giants, only two said that with God on their side it they could do it. Once again these Israelites show doubt in their God who had lead their way as a cloud and a pillar of fire, sent mana every day, provided water from rocks, parted the Red Sea, decimated all of Egypt... and for their doubt they were not aloud to enter the land God had promised them, and they wondered the wilderness for the next 40 years.

It just made me think... how much am I missing out on, how much time am I spending in my own wilderness because of my own doubt?

I also didn't realize that neither Aaron nor Moses were aloud to enter the promise land. Here were the two people that were closest to God in the whole camp, the people whom God had chose to speak through, showed doubt in God (20:12), they too were denied entry to the promise land. The most amazing thing to me is that neither of these men threw their hands up and said "I Quit!" they continued to serve and lead the people, giving them instructions, until the day they died. How many of us continue to do our job well after we know we won't be receiving the reward we were promised?

(Disclaimer: I believe that the Bible is the living word of God, to me this means that what I receive, or gain in understanding, is meant for me based on my experiences and where I am at at this moment. I know when I read through the bible again some day, what I understood, or came to light for me this, year will most likely be different then what I discover then.)

Leviticus

Of all the books of the Bible, Leviticus was the one I was looking forward to the least... ok honestly I was DREADING it... But once I started to wade into it, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I was actually not dreading it.

Basically the whole book of Leviticus can be summed up with God saying (19:2) "Be Holy, for I am holy."

When I actually stopped to think about why God was giving His people these laws, I found two reasons dominated:

First, God wanted to set His people apart from those that lived in the land he had set apart for them, and from the people from where they came (18:2). He didn't want them adopting the same practices as those that occupied the land or continuing the same practices of the Egyptians he had just freed them from.

Second, Common sense. God wanted His people to be healthy and strong. Commandments on how to treat and quarantine people with symptoms of skin disease, or sexually transmitted diseases, kept them from spreading. Time limits of how long they could eat meat after it had been killed, and not eating meat from dead animals they happened upon, or not eating meat from animals that carried parasites that could be harmful to them (pigs), were all set in place to keep them from getting sick and week.

Included in Leviticus is a lot of direction for the ceremonies, offerings, and festivals as well. The festivals were set and required to be observed by all the people, every year, as a reminder to the people of how good God was and is to them.

So whats this mean to me today???? I know that through Jesus's sacrifice I have been freed from a lot of this old testament, Levitical law... but how much? Obviously I am not expected to go out and sacrifice the first born goat,, bring it to the temple and splatter its blood on all sides of the alter when I commit a sin, but what of this should I still observe?

I mean, God still wants his people of today to be set apart, to be in the world but not of the world. Because I love Jesus, it should show up in my life, in the decisions I make every day, how I treat my fellow humans, how I use what God has entrusted to me. I believe that God wants us to observe the laws that set us apart, but maybe not exactly how he told the Levites...instead in a way that applies to the world I live in today.

What I interpret as the second reason for Leviticus, common sense, obviously applies to me today. I know that if I cook dinner and there are still left overs, I don't want to eat them after 3 days, the thought just makes me sick! This is the same guidelines He gave his people, and they didn't have the genius invention of refrigerators or the (not so genius/healthy) invention of preservatives. Also, during college we looked at studies where pig meat was tagged with radioactive labels then tracked to see how the human body used the meat/proteins. They found that if the meat had been taken from the pigs shoulder, the human body put those proteins in the human shoulder... (that is the simplest way to paraphrase this much more complex phenomenon). Totally grossed me out! Also we know that quarantining those with infectious diseases, or abstain from sex with those with STDs, the diseases don't spread. All of these were part of what God had commanded in Leviticus.

Having read Leviticus, it will be interesting to read the references later in the Bible to many of the laws and ceremonies and the symbolism with Jesus.

Learned? While Leviticus was chock full of what seems to be very ancient, out of date rules, procedures, and laws, I am amazed at how much of it really applies to me today.

Exodus

I knew the general story of Exodus: the oppression of the Israelite people in Egypt many years after Joseph had passed, the birth and calling of Moses, the plagues, the final release of the Israelites, the parting of the red sea, the miracles of manna and water from the rock, Moses on Mt. Sinai receiving the 10 commandments, the people constructing and worshiping a false God, and finally the construction of the tabernacle.

What I was surprised by was the intricate detail in which God had given Moses for the construction, dedication, and of the tabernacle and all its contents. This took a significant portion of the book. God was very specific in how to dedicate, and make sacrifices, both blood, burnt, and oil.

While reading I just kept asking God... "what's the purpose of this" not in a lack of respect way, but in a genuine, I want to know, to gain understanding way. What I came away with was that because of the fall of man, our sin separated us from God, and in order to enter in to a relationship with Him a sacrifice had to be made (again and again, and for each person). For this sacrifice God required the first born of the herds and the crops, and the animal sacrifice had to be without blemish.

All of this sets up the future and ultimate sacrifice of Jesus, one sacrifice that would take the place of the individual animal sacrifices required of each man.

I knew (know) how amazing and priceless the sacrifice Jesus made was, but knowing what was required of God's people up until this gave me a more concrete understanding.

Once again, I was astonished at the lack of faith the Israelites had in God, the God that had just unleashed his power on all of Egypt, sparing them in the process, and freeing them from the oppression. They continually groaned and complained about everything! I was getting so frustrated with them... Like COME ON PEOPLE!!! You just saw with your own eyes God's power and faithfulness, how can you complain and not trust that He will take care of you? How in 40 days did you loose all faith and want to worship a false god? How could you???

But isn't this a picture of most of us Christians? We experience the most significant miracle, the miracle of new life, being born again, being forgiven of all our sins. Then life still goes on, and we expect that everything will be great and easier than before, but challenges come, or we become complacent. And our faith waivers...we even turn back to our own false gods (money, alcohol) that we worshiped before we met the TRUE GOD. We cry out "God, where are you, why did you lead me out of Egypt, only to be worse off in the dessert?"

This is what was discussed at church yesterday... the fact that before we became Christians, the devil didn't care much about us... we weren't his "friend" but we hadn't become his "enemy"... but once we become Christians, we are his "enemy" and he wants back the ground he lost (2 Peter 2:20-22).

That is the insight I received from reading Exodus, it is the story of our lives as Christians... our oppression, our redemption, and our own struggles with faith after we have been set free.

Blue Like Jazz

Donald Miller first captured my interest, and made my soul think in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I tried to read Blue Like Jazz a few years ago, but couldn't get into it... I don't think I was ready for it....

By that I mean I was in a place where I was feeling so much pain and confusion about "religion" as well as being quite narrow minded I don't think I could have received a lot of what he was saying....at least not with out feeling really judged.

But now, at this exact moment in my life, this book speaks directly to me, ... I have struggled for a few years now with this "god" that everyone around me was trying to fit into a box...one titled "Religion", another title "Political Affiliation", and more boxes within each of those. The problem was God, the one I felt and knew in my heart, didn't fit in any of these, so I didn't fit either.

Blue Like Jazz broke these boxes down ... put these words to what my heart has been trying to speak to my brain "by reducing Christian Spirituality to a formula, we deprive our hearts of wonder."(p.205) That God doesn't fit in a church (He probably wouldn't attend many that claim to worship Him), or in a political agenda.

Instead He fits in love... the love we give, the love we receive, the acts of kindness, the acts of forgiveness, the acts of acceptance and not judging, the acts of servitude...to others and ourselves.

If God doesn't fit in a box, then neither do those that choose to follow Him.



Learned? A lot... but here are a few that I want to be reminded of:

pg. 13 If satan can get man wrapped up in habit, he can keep us from engaging God.

pg. 86 "Behavior will not be changed long with self discipline, but fall in love and a human will accomplish what he never thought possible."

pg.111 "dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something...is the hard thing."

pg. 182 "The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me."

pgs 218-219 The idea of Christians viewing love as a commodity, giving it to those who agree with us, withholding it from those that don't... but instead to "love people because they are Jesus."(p.201)

pg. 229 "your value has to come from God."

Genesis

As you know, I love to read... so I have decideed to read my way through the Bible. I have read a lot of the Bible via topic studies or devotionals, but never as a book, God's story to me.

I just finished the book of Genesis, the story of the beginning from the creation of Adam and Eve through Joseph's death. A significant amount of the Sunday School stories are contained in Genesis: Adam and Eve-the creation and fall of man, Cain and Able, Noah and the arc, the tower of Babel, Abraham and Sarah, Lot, Sodom and Gomorrah, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob- Leah& Rachel, and all his decedents, Joseph- his dreams, and rise to authority in Egypt and how he sustained all of Egypt from a devastating famine.

I already knew all of these...stories - I hate to use the word "stories" because it implies fiction and that is not what the Bible is.

What really stood out to me by reading all of Genesis like a book, was the amount of times God had to renew, or remind his people of His covenant with them. While reading it, it seemed like every other chapter God was saying, "Abram, go to the land I have called you to, I will bless you, I will make you a great nation, your decedents will be many, I'll bless those who bless you and curse those that curse you, All nations on earth will be blessed through you." Then after Abram (Abraham) died He gave this same promise to Isaac, then to Jacob, then to Joseph. He reminded each of these men multiple times of this covenant.

I was kinda like... Ok God I get it you made this promise to them.... then I realized that because the whole book of Genesis was passed down via word of mouth, family story/history, and wasn't recorded until Moses wrote it. This meant that years, possibly decades passed between chapter.

It was then I realized that God wasn't renewing His covenant for His sake, but for man's sake... We have such a short memory, we let little things distract us from what God has called and promised for us, too soon forgetting the promise all together. I see now that I am not any different than my biblical ancestors, I let life get in the way, I forget what God has called me to do. That my season of drought is not unique to me but a shared experience... and how fortunate we are that God loves us so much that He continues to remind us of His promise, that He calls out to us in our own darkness, that He remains forever constant, forever faithful, forever true.