Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Surprising, Overwhelming, Gushing, Love

We have 3 dogs. We used to have 2 dogs. And a really, really, long time ago (10 years) we only had one dog.  I never have had an overwhelming desire to have pets, most furry ones make me itch, dogs are most often an exception to that.  So don't ask me how we have now ended up with THREE dogs.  Maybe its a testament to the soft spot in my heart for lost causes... our first was a rescue, and the latest was an inheritance... only the middle one was by planning and choice.  Since we now have 3 dogs, my house is a disaster, the amount of fur has not tripled, or increased by 1/2, instead it has been an exponential increase.  As of late this has been the primary source of annoyance, and anxiety for me.

So why not just get rid of them, or even just one of them?  I don't seem all that attached, right?  It seems like a completely logical and easy decision. 

At least this is what I thought until one of them gets sick, like really sick.  Labored breathing, hacking, lethargic, and the tell tell sign - not eating.  The dog who tells time by when his food bowl should be filled won't eat.  Of course I took him to the vet yesterday, they checked him out, made sure he didn't have heart worm, and gave him some antibiotics, a bronchial-dilator, and anti-inflammatory.  I headed home with a renewed sense of hope, he would soon be on the mend. 

Last nigh I laid with him just so he wouldn't be alone, but his extremely labored breathing was so reminiscent of my own during an asthma attack, and all I could do was weep, the fear and panic I feel during an attack must be horrible for him - not knowing what is wrong.

Then again this morning he wouldn't eat.  We kept him inside out of the heat, and calm.  I was expecting to come home to a markedly improved dog, but when I got home he coughed up blood.  Of course the vet was out of the office by that time, so he goes in first thing in the morning. 

All evening I have just sat and brushed, and snuggled, and cried with worry for him.  Who would have though that below all that indifference I feel - or thought I felt - for these dogs, that I actually care this much, that I actually LOVE them.

This overwhelming, heart wrenching, tear jerking emotion has caught me completely off guard.  I tolerated, and most of the time even like these furry boys, but this is just so completely unexpected. To love an animal so much that I spend the night laying next to and comforting them, and sobbing tears, pleading with God to make him be ok. It's surprising to say the least.

Tonight I just hope his sleep is peaceful, that we make it till the morning, and that tomorrow they will know what is wrong with him.
Best Buds

Learned: Something new about myself, behind this cold hard indifferent exterior is an animal lover at heart.

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